For the majority of my nervous breakdown, I was masturbating every day. It was my only release – whacking my plug-in Magic Wand onto my clit and closing my eyes for five minutes as I pushed myself against it. The orgasms I got from it felt formulaic: Partially because the entire process was formulaic but because I was making myself cum too quickly.
Without the lead up – and tbh, without even being all that horny – this daily orgasm was more of a routine than getting my rocks off.
For many people suffering from depression (like I was) or other mental health problems, the concept of an orgasm flies out of the window completely. Being unable to cum is an issue plenty of people suffer through silently because often, it can feel like there’s bigger issues to tackle rather than your lack of squirting.
Still, if you are unable to pinpoint the exact reason you’re missing out on sticky sheets, see if anything below relates and hopefully, the clarity will lead to some kind of help with your climax troubles.
Too anxious to cum
This one might sound obvious, but I feel like it hits in two different ways. If you have an anxiety disorder or suffer from general anxiety issues, the uptight and stressed feelings that come alongside anxiety can make it hard to focus on enjoying sex in general, let alone reaching orgasm. That said, specific sex anxiety has its own place under this header, the anxiety over the ability to perform – and yes, cum – can get so deep into your head that you can’t enjoy your shag at all.
Meds can impact orgasms
I feel like this one is a well known fact but if you didn’t know many mental health medications – and other meds too! – directly impact your ability to finish with a bang. If this is a major problem for you, try talking to your doctor about other medication options.
Too body conscious to bone
Body image is linked to a number of mental health problems, particularly issues with disordered eating or body dysmorphia. Because sex requires us to be naked and nudity is incredibly vulnerable for some, overthinking about how we look – or refusing to get naked, as I did for a whole year as a teenager – gets in the way of getting an orgasm.
It’s triggering for trauma
A more serious point and one of the most important. Sexual trauma, as well as other traumatic memories or issues, can cause incredible difficulty for those trying to have sex at all, let alone orgasm. If you are suffering from any kind of sexual trauma, please refer to this list with services across the UK that can offer you help.
You’ve over-masturbated
If you’re anything like me at the beginning of this article, wanking can become your only lifeline to clinging onto reality in the darkest of times. Because of this, your over-masturbation (especially with toys) can desensitise your clit or, for dick possessors, make orgasm through penetration and not going handheld even harder. If your brain allows, try easing back on your jacking off to make sexual pleasure from a partner even better.
You just CBA
This one feels under discussed but is probably the most common – the exhaustion caused from coping with mental health issues, and even fatigue being a symptom of many mental health conditions, means that sex – and ergo, orgasms – feels like too much effort to undertake. If this is the case, try not to feel guilty and especially don’t feel pressured by a partner into having sex anyway: If you don’t want to, that’s more than enough reason to not.
All in all, there are so many reasons out there for hindered orgasms but due to or even in spite of mental health, so if you are struggling don’t despair – it’s more normal than you think. Hopefully this list can help you to assess which you relate to the most and seek appropriate help accordingly. If not, I fully recommend investing in a new sex toy to grind against as distraction for your more hopeless days.
