Ever tried to tell someone that they’ve hurt you, or that they’ve treated you unfairly? Did they say you’re ‘crazy’, or tell you things didn’t happen the way you know they did? This is gaslighting. It’s manipulation that makes the target question their emotions, actions, and mental stability.
When gaslighting continues over time, the receiver’s wellbeing is put in jeopardy.
They start to feel confused, tense, and can even spiral into depression. Gaslighting is emotional abuse.
As it has become more common, (most of us have experienced gaslighting in some form), it is important to know the signs of gaslighting.
Stopping the manipulation in its tracks can reduce its impact on mental & physical health.
Though this is not an exhaustive list, here are seven signs that you’re being gaslit.
“You Know That You’re Being Crazy, Right?”
Phrases like this one are a classic tactic used by gaslighters. They are used to shift the blame onto you, rather than acknowledge their own actions. They twist conversations, denying that specific actions happened, so they are never at fault.
You worry that you’re being too sensitive
The gaslighter may tell you to “calm down”, or that “you’re overreacting”. These are used to undermine your thoughts and emotions instead of acknowledging them. When they don’t appreciate your feelings, you start to question them, never feeling understood in the process.
Regularly second guessing yourself
A gaslighter will tell you that events didn’t happen the way you thought they did. You may start to wonder if you remember scenarios and memories accurately. This doubt may stop you from sharing events with other people, for fear of shameful judgement.
Apologising often
You feel like you have to apologise for being who you are, assuming that people will be disappointed in you. Gaslighters manipulate the victim into apologising for genuine reactions to unjust behaviour. You may feel like you have to tread carefully around the gaslighter, to avoid angering or upsetting them.
You assume something is wrong with you
When a gaslighter continues to deflect blame, a gaslighting victim might question if there is something deeply wrong with themselves. They may question their mental stability, or wonder if they are genuinely going ‘crazy’.
Feeling alone & helpless
After being around a gaslighter who does not appreciate your feelings, you may feel like you are completely alone. You may stop sharing how you feel, thinking others will see you as the neurotic person the perpetrator says you are.
Manipulation disguised as Compassion
To get on good terms again, the gaslighter may use phrases like, “I would never hurt you, I love you”. They only say loving things to sway you, so you stop looking at their actions. This tactic is designed to influence & control the victim.
If you identify with any of these and feel like you are a victim of gaslighting, remember that you are not to blame. Please seek professional help. Here are some services available designed to deal with emotional abuse. Call Refuge’s Freephone 24h National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, or visit refuge.org.uk. You are not responsible for how you have been treated. The only person that is at fault, is the gaslighter.
