Whether you’re speaking to your parents, watching a film or scrolling on social media, the overarching message remains the same – your twenties are the best years of your life. Most spend their teenage years looking up to those in their twenties and thirties, they observe them landing dream jobs, settling and buying homes, having amazing experiences. Then, before we know it, our teens are over and being a twenty-something isn’t quite what we expected. As we grapple with a competitive job market, sky-high rents, a rise in anxiety, oh, and a global pandemic, many feel they’ve been sold a false dream.
Frequent meltdowns about the direction your life is going in, heightened fears of what the future may hold and an inability to quit comparing yourself to others are all characteristic of a so-called “quarter-life crisis”. The phenomenon is often dismissed in favour of its senior, more serious counterpart, the “mid-life crisis”. Still, a recent study discovered that 72% of young people have identified as experiencing a quarter-life crisis, which ordinarily lasts 11 months or more and starts at the average age of 26.
For some, this point of crisis can be a constant state of unrest and anxiety, while for others, simply seeing yet another Instagram post of a friend getting engaged is enough to trigger concerns about the future. Amidst a period of deep insecurity and disappointment, people in their twenties look to run away, start over and detach themselves from reality.
Has the pandemic provoked a millennial mental health crisis?
For many people in their twenties, the pandemic has made these feelings of dread for the future immeasurably worse. “I finished University in July last year, and obviously, we were in the middle of the pandemic, and jobs weren’t exactly lucrative,” says Kieran. “It’s definitely made me worry about the future. I do feel like a failure – one day I’ll be absolutely fine, and then another day I just feel defeated.”
Similarly, Vanese says that after watching those in their mid-twenties on shows like Friends and Sex in the City, she was excited to turn 25. “It’s meant to be one of the best years of your life! For me, though, turning 25 was just staying inside. I’d already planned all the things I was going to do, and with COVID, that hasn’t been possible,” says Vanese. “I’ve always thought I would like children in my early thirties, but now there is so much I want to do, and there are essentially going to be two years of my life where I didn’t get to do what I wanted! But I have my whole life ahead of me. Every day I wake up, and I’m so thankful to be alive. When the pandemic is over, I’m going to be so appreciative of everything.” she adds.
Social media is part of the problem
Making it easier than ever to share our successes, highlight reels on social media do not help the situation and many feel they’ve failed compared to those they follow online. “I can’t help but compare myself to others and Twitter is the worst for that,” says Kieran who works as a journalist. “On one hand, it’s how we get our ideas, but then there’s a pool of journalists who I look at in awe because they’re doing so incredibly well, and it does make me feel awful.”
Even when you are delighted for your peers, as is the case with Kieran, it is difficult not to let others’ successes make you worry about your own progress. When you reach major milestones, social media can make them seem insignificant. For example, buying your first house doesn’t feel special when those younger have already managed to achieve this earlier in life. “When I see younger people doing all these things, I think to myself: what have I done in my life? It’s easy to get caught up in that,” says Vanese.
People Experiencing Age Anxiety Their Twenties Are Dismissed
Arguably, the rise in reported experiences of the quarter-life crisis is not being taken seriously enough, and those who are suffering often feel that their experience is trivialised. “Personally, I don’t think people talk about the quarter-life crisis enough,” says Kieran. “It’s hard for our generation to grow up, and that comes down on you very quickly. You’re in your mid-20s and thinking: what the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life?”
While your feelings are entirely valid, it’s essential to try and trust the timing of your life. Tell yourself that no matter what is happening around you, your life is moving at the correct pace in the right direction. Celebrate all your small wins – even if others have reached them earlier than you – and don’t get too bogged down with what your peers are doing or what your parents were doing at your age, things were different then.
Remember that it’s rare to see other people’s struggles and losses on social media, and many are likely looking at you and thinking how amazing you are. Where you are now is what you once only dreamed of, so take the time to praise yourself, don’t feel guilty for taking time off or to rest. Remain positive and go at a pace that suits you.