People who identify as LGBTQ+ have always struggled with mental health issues associated with identity and experts at mentalhealth.org.uk suggest that this community is at higher risk of experiencing these issues, than those outside of it. Anxiety associated with image can be particularly pertinent during LGBTQ+ History Month – a period of reflection that can often unearth painful memories and experiences. Research conducted in 2020 established that ‘sexual minority’ individuals are more likely to experience disordered body image behaviors and concerns than heterosexual individuals. This increased risk may be explained by minority stress theory – that SM individuals are subject to SM-specific stressors, leading to health disparities.
Internalised homophobia, pressure to adhere to hyper-masculine behaviours, feelings of isolation and fear of not being accepted can all affect people who identify as male and belong to the LGBTQ+ community. Often these fears and insecurities can result in Body Dysmorphic Disorder. The effects of BDD manifest differently in everyone but can include disordered eating, obsessive and intrusive thoughts about one’s appearance, anxiety, depression, self harm and extreme body modification.
Dominic Arnall is the CEO of LGBTQ+ youth charity Just Like Us. He says, “I think LGBTQ+men (and sadly, boys too) undoubtedly suffer from issues related to body image. I have worked with LGBTQ+ young people who are consumed by it. It’s terribly sad. I think within the LGBTQ+ community we can do more to ensure we are promoting healthy messages about body image, particularly to young people. Services are aware that there are huge numbers of men facing body dysmorphia, but I’m not sure that the public is aware of the extent of the issue. It’s important there is messaging around this so parents and teachers are able to spot the signs early – early intervention with body dysmorphia is very well evidenced as being the best solution.”
How Do LGBTQ+ Men Feel About Body Image?
“Anyone who identifies as being part of the LGBTQ+ population has an undercurrent of feeling like an outsider.” says Dr Tony Ortega, an LGBTQ+ Clinical Psychologist based in New York. “We are the ones that have to ‘come out’ because we live in a heteronormative society. Some individuals in the population focus heavily on their outward appearance to compensate for these feelings. We also hold certain body types as the standard of beauty and desirability while others are shunned and given pejorative slang names. While a person may be at their appropriate BMI for their age and height, if they don’t fit into the very specific definition of beauty set by some, this can lead to body dysmorphic disorder.”
Nick, a 27-year old actor, from Reading describes his relationship with his body as polarised. “I tend to look after myself and make sure I stay in somewhat good shape. Mainly because I know it will make me feel better about myself (exercise is good for mental health and all that…) but as a gay man – at least for me – there is a pressure to look good.” He says, “It’s almost as if the better you look, the more accepted you will be which creates an unhealthy sense of validation. I look at the mirror and how I react changes everyday. One day I could be like “oh you don’t look too bad today” but the next I could be pulling at the skin around my waist and telling myself I look awful.”
Do Dating Apps Have A Negative Impact On Self Esteem?
Studies have shown that dating apps and social media can exacerbate feelings of insecurity and behaviours associated with BDD. In the LGBTQ+ community, especially for those using apps like Grindr, the focus on physical appearance can be overwhelming for some. “I had a few years of absolutely not loving myself, and compensating that by oversexualizing myself on social media and dating apps.” says Lucas, a 29-year old musician based in Rotterdam.
“I felt like my body was only valid if it was useful in a sexual way. I was looking for validation engaging in online sexual acts with people whoever was willing to participate and give me compliments on my body, and when I didn’t get that, I felt worthless. I was constantly comparing myself to how others looked, and started forming this type of “a perfect guy” that I so desperately wanted to be, it brought me to some really dark places. There was a lot of self loathing, self harm, suicidal thoughts. Now I’m in a healthy, loving relationship, which I feel like brought me back to the surface after nearly drowning, but I feel like I still don’t love the way I look and I feel like those years of exposing myself online permanently damaged me and my self-worth.”
Despite offering community and safe spaces for LGBTQ+ people to meet, connect and be themselves, dating apps can perpetuate stereotypes and equip users with a narrow view of beauty based solely on physical appearance and sexual worth. For consenting adults, this poses a risk to mental health, but for teens and young people, the prospect is slightly more worrying. “I believe a lot of the LGBTQ+ community are quick to judge.” says Nick. “If you don’t fit the mould that doesn’t have a good impact on your self esteem. I believe a lot of gay men have self confidence issues but that also stems from having to find acceptance for being a gay man in a straight world with the fear of always being rejected.”
We are always developing our sense of self and to do this, we look to external sources for inspiration and validation. For this reason, regardless of our age, social media and dating apps can have a huge impact on the way we see and attribute value to our own bodies.
“Dating apps and social media are infinitely more popular for LGBT+ people.” says comedian Kristofer Thomas. “Finding and identifying each other can be both difficult and unsafe, unless you’re in a specific environment, which you most of the time are not. I used to identify as a lesbian, so I’d use apps and social media to meet other gay women. As I slowly became more masculine-presenting, women started reading me as gay more, and I found I had an easier time identifying and approaching people. But it’s far more difficult now, because I’m in the weird position of being a heterosexual man who is sometimes interpreted as a lesbian.
I have to do a lot of on-the-spot investigating—“does this woman think I’m a lesbian?” “does she think I’m cis or trans? If she thinks I’m cis, will she still be interested upon learning I’m not?” Dating apps allow for me to clearly inform someone of who I am before they interact with me, which saves us both time, and saves me emotional labor. Social media can also be convenient. With my current partner, for example, we met on Twitter, so I knew that she had a lot of information on who I am. However, I’m someone who writes a lot about my identity – not all trans guys do – which can make social media more or less a replica of the same real-world dynamic.”
What is gender dysphoria?
Body Dysmorphic disorder and its symptoms affect people who identify as trans significantly and trans men’s mental health issues are most commonly connected to the experience of Gender Dysphoria. “Gender Dysphoria relates to feelings of discomfort and distress about one’s assigned gender.” says Dr Tony Ortega. “Gender euphoria is the exact opposite of this. Gender euphoria can occur when a person thinks and/or acts on changing their appearance to match their desired gender identity. This can even apply to changing one’s gender marker and/or pronouns.”
“There’s a hyper-consciousness you have with yourself as a trans person; you’re acutely aware of what your body looks like in contrast to a cis one. Dysphoria is something that can further warp and exacerbate your interpretation of these differences to the point where you’re obsessing over tiny physical features no one else notices, but feel to you like glaring red herrings separating you from other men. In the current stage of my physical transition, I still get misgendered here and there. If I’m not in that moment thinking about my body or feeling actively dysphoric, it’s very jarring. There’s a certain shirt I don’t wear out anymore because I got clocked a few times, and even if that were never to happen again, it’s too anxiety-provoking to walk around in. This is a huge part of the need for specificity when you’re talking about the body image of LGBTQ+ men.
Trans people have an entirely different relationship to even having a body, because you’re inherently existing in something that doesn’t fully align with who you are internally. I think trans men often feel a more intense kind of agony over physical insecurities – not that cis men can’t have just as crippling issues with body image, because they absolutely can – it’s just that dysphoria lies not only in finding a part of yourself ‘bad’, but also in finding it inherently ‘wrong’. This is especially relevant in the concept of “passing”; if a trans man has chosen medical transition, where he’s at in the process can play a huge role in how he sees himself.”
Why is external validation so central to BDD?
Body Dysmorphic Disorder manifests in many ways but at its core are feelings of wanting to be accepted and appreciated by others. These sorts of thoughts have the power to spiral out of control and influence small habits and everyday routines and in more serious cases, make lasting changes to people’s lives.
“I’ve always been a big guy, and I feel like it has contributed to me not treating myself well, as if I’m just not worth it.” says Lucas. “I was always terrified of public spaces and groups of people, especially when it came to eating in front of others, I’m sure that’s a common sentiment with fat people. At times I hate my body. I don’t think I ever looked at myself in the mirror and had positive thoughts about it. I strive to push myself and think better of myself, as I in fact find fat bodies, big bodies, not-average bodies great and deserving a spotlight, but I’m really having a hard time applying that philosophy to myself. I think our obsession with bodies comes from the years of feeling othered, not wanted, fearing loneliness. Some people deal with it by focusing solely on their physical appearance, some, like me, tend to forget to take care of their body and just hide it.
I feel that I turn heads wherever I go, and not in a good way. I feel ultra visible. It’s a weird thing to feel for a musician, because I love being on stage and performing, but I’m mostly hiding behind my gear and heavy visuals. I’m scared I won’t be able to ever make a career out of my music because nobody wants a fat performer, especially not in electronic music.”
Why representation matters
“Mainstream media is responsible for much of the body image issues LGBTQ+ folks face.” says Dr Tony Ortega. “In days past, when we had representation in the media, gay men would fit this very clean or perfect mould to appease a mass audience. It’s only been in about the last decade or so that we are seeing LGBTQ+ people of colour or LGBTQ+ individuals of different body shapes and sizes. By having more representation in mainstream media, identifying as LGBTQ+ becomes more normalised (as it should). This helps folks who are in the process of coming out immensely because they can potentially see themselves in these individuals, even if they are only playing a role in a movie or TV show.”
The popularity of shows like Russell T Davies’ It’s a Sin, Ru Paul’s Drag Race and Schitt’s Creek has shown not only the positive impacts of LGBTQ representation on screen among the community itself but the need for shows like this for younger audiences who may be forming their own identities and ideas about confidence, safety, community and body image.
“Articles like this, for example, are one way the media can aid people in feeling less alone.” says Kristofer. “If I’d seen even one guy like me on TV growing up, I think I would’ve been deeply impacted. It’s a huge part of my goal in comedy and film – if even one kid sees himself reflected in any way, that’s the greatest achievement of all. Beyond that, we need more resources online – there are some great ones existing and emerging, but many are either geared towards adults, or not easily located.”
“Welcoming of other-than-average bodies is something I think we need to do on a grand scale, and we need to learn to appreciate each other more and find beauty in tiny things. I feel like making LGBTQ+ youth feel less othered and more, I hate that word, but “normal”, would do wonders – I think if you’re able to love yourself for who you are and not question the validity of your very existence, your body could be less utilitarian to you. We need to make sure future generations of queer kids feel like they have their place in the world and are allowed to create a space for themselves.” says Lucas.
What Can We Do To Support LGBTQ+ Mental Health?
Resources for young people are undoubtedly what’s needed to prevent issues associated with Body Dysmorphic Disorder in teens, but seeing LGBTQ+ men and boys represented across all cultures and demographics in media is just as essential. When building our identities we look to myriad sources of inspiration and these extend far beyond schools.
“Simply accepting the LGBTQ+ community as part of society and getting to a point where people don’t have to come out would help.” says Nick. “If people could be whoever they wanted to be without the fear of being rejected, we might be more likely to love ourselves as we are – it’s scarring, believing society may reject you. I’d suggest surrounding yourself with friends who you know are good for you and don’t make yourself doubt yourself. You need to feel comfortable to be you.”
Kristofer adds, “More therapists and mental health practitioners need to be aware of LGBT+ specific body issues. I struggled with an eating disorder for many years, something that was greatly impacted, I learned, by my gender identity. LGBT+ people have a far higher rate of disordered eating issues, and because we have different relationships to our bodies than non-LGBT+ people, treatment needs to be adapted accordingly.
Even though it sounds corny, it’s important to remember you’re never alone. I forget this myself all the time. But there are truly millions of people all over the world feeling the exact same things you are. Feelings of isolation and embarrassment hold us back from seeking out connection with each other, and putting myself out there by reaching out to other trans men is something that aided me immensely. Most LGBT+ people, when you are genuine, respond with open arms to questions and acts of friendship.”
If you’re struggling with any of the issues or feelings described in this article, we recommend reaching out to charities, helplines and support organisations like Switchboard LGBT, Stonewall, Just Like Us, NHS, Mind, Mental Health Foundation and BEAT, or speaking to a friend, loved one or your GP, counsellor or therapist.
“Take an honest appraisal of where you are at physically today.” says Dr Tony Ortega. “Don’t compare yourself to anyone else but the person you were yesterday. We do not have to comply with any standards that don’t feel right for us. Choose what is good for you based on what you want and how you feel.”
