Communication isn’t easy. In a year where most of our contact is through screens, on video, or over texts, being able to listen and focus is even more challenging.
It’s not hard to zone out, to lose focus, or to get distracted. With an average attention span of eight seconds, and electronic devices surrounding us, listening to others attentively is understandably difficult.
To listen properly, a lot of skills are involved — and it can take some time to learn. It may not come naturally at first but, over time and with a little patience, it will become a well-learned habit. And one which will significantly help you in improving relationships, understanding other opinions, and avoiding misunderstandings.
We don’t often have time to fully concentrate in long discussions, and often we try to multitask when someone may be opening up to us, making it hard to find empathy and take on what is being said.
But after a year of such disconnect and distance it is more important than ever that we take time to learn how to listen to each other. It will help to rebuild relationships, solve problems, increase understanding, and help bring people closer together.
Some factors that limit the ability to focus fully may be out of your control. This could be surrounding factors, noise, or distractions. But it could also be personal reasons that require others to adapt for you. If you struggle maintaining conversations and lose concentration, explain to those around you that you are finding it hard. This will allow them to accommodate your needs and allow you to feel safe and respected. Also be mindful of others who struggle to maintain focus, be compassionate and adapt to create an environment that is best for everyone.
For most of us, it’s not uncommon to find ourselves drifting off, daydreaming and losing focus during conversations, so here are some tips on how to become a better listener.
Contact.
Try to face the person and maintain eye contact with whoever you are speaking with. This will help to focus your attention onto what they are saying and will show them you are taking an interest in the conversation.
Avoid interrupting.
Try to listen to what is being said without jumping to conclusions or taking over the conversation. Listen without thinking about when it will be your turn to speak and what you will say when it is. If we allow others to have their turn it can often avoid miscommunication and can allow for better understanding.
Ask questions.
By asking more questions you are encouraging the discussion or chat, allowing you both to engage in what is being said. By thinking of questions to ask, it will force you to focus on the conversation and take an interest.
Empathy.
Try to show kindness and empathy when speaking to someone. Allow them to express themselves before interrupting. Try and understand their emotions and respect what they are sharing with you, even if you don’t always agree with the sentiment.
Limit Distractions.
We have all been in a situation when we are chatting to a friend, and they suddenly go quiet and stop responding because they are checking their phone. It can feel really disheartening and can also disrupt the flow of conversation. So, if you are tied to your phone, try putting it away when you are speaking to someone. Firstly, it shows respect, but it also allows you to become more present and let you listen without trying to respond to emails at the same time.
Be Honest.
If you are someone who struggles to hold a conversation and find it hard to remain focused, then explain this to whoever you are speaking with. If they are a loved one, they are sure to be understanding and will help to accommodate your needs.
Learning how to be a good listener can take time, just remember to try and respect the time of others and hold space for them to speak with you, and they should do the same in return. After this year it may seem more daunting than ever, so take it one step at a time and be easy on yourself.