Unfortunately, obsessive compulsive disorder is a very stigmatised mental illness, despite it having once been listed by WHO as one of the most debilitating in the world.
There is also a lot of misconception around the disorder — many without the knowledge around the OCD assume it is a need for perfection or to be clean (which isn’t helped by the countless TV shows that encourage this view).
OCD is a serious anxiety disorder made up of obsessions and compulsions, which can include both physical and mental, that cause a significant amount of distress to the point it has a massive effect on your daily life.
There are many subtypes of OCD – and this includes ROCD.
Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is a form of OCD that focuses on relationships. OCD is most commonly associated with obsessive habits or behaviours, which commonly includes distressing intrusive thoughts. These thoughts and feelings are what make up most ROCD symptoms.
Some common intrusive thoughts that someone with ROCD might experience are:
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‘Do I really love my partner?’
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‘Am I meant to be with my partner?’
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‘Am I good enough for my partner?’
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‘I noticed someone else was attractive, does that mean I don’t like/aren’t attracted to my partner?’
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‘I can think about cheating on my partner so I can’t actually be attracted to them.’
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‘I don’t feel the same level of attraction about my partner as I used to, have we lost our spark?’
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‘Do they really love me?’
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‘I didn’t feel turned on last night…’
- ‘Have I cheated on them?’
Some other compulsive behaviours that are linked to ROCD include:
- Spending a large amount of time thinking about what their partner thinks about them, even when doing unrelated tasks.
- Difficulty committing to long-term or serious relationships.
- Obsessively comparing a partner’s behaviour or looks to other people.
- Finding it hard to focus or stay present during intimate moments, like sex.
- Obsessively looking for signs that their relationship is going well.
- Frequently asking friends and family if their partner is ‘meant for them’.
- Frequently mentally checking for any memories of having cheated on your partner.
- Testing how you feel towards your partner.
Having one or two thoughts like this is nothing to worry about and is perfectly normal for any relationship. However, if these intrusive thoughts or behaviours start to become obsessive, or you start to feel as though they are getting beyond your control, they might be signs of ROCD.
People with ROCD will often find these thoughts debilitating and hard to escape from. No matter how hard they might try to tackle their worries and constant analysis of their partner and relationship, it’s almost impossible to stop without professional help.
ROCD can be painful for both the person with it and people they’re in a relationship with. But there’s also no reason why people with ROCD can’t also find ways to enjoy happy and healthy relationships.
Intrusive thoughts and obsessive analysis don’t make anyone a bad person and everyone is entitled to the help they need.
Help and treatment for people with ROCD is out there. Here, a few organisations that can help include OCD Action, OCD UK and Relate.
Ultimately, if you are struggling with OCD, it might be time to seek professional help by speaking to your GP or seeking out a CBT therapist, as this is the method most proven to work in people with OCD.
Whatever you do, know that you’re not alone — and if you have a partner with ROCD, please try to be supportive and understanding.