It feels like a lifetime ago since we were able to go ‘out’-out. Getting drunk, making questionable romantic choices and sleeping with people you coincidentally have to see every day have become a thing of the past.
It’s easy to miss that era of your life, particularly when lockdown has turned you into a homebody. A sweater-wearing, messy bun-sporting, TV-watching living room lover who hasn’t worn a pair of heels since January 2020. If you’re anything like me, the smell of tequila probably makes you gag nowadays. And don’t even get me started on how we were able to stand the taste of kebab meat.
I was always able to make the distinction between drunk and sober sex in my mind (wearing rose-tinted glasses, clearly). Drunk sex was passionate, naughty, daring. Often with someone you were either never going to see again, or you’d have to come face-to-face with in the office (or lecture hall) the next day.
Sober sex reminds me of Sunday evenings. Cuddled up in front of your favourite binge-worthy show and a Chinese Takeaway. It’s lazy, carefree, romantic with minimal-effort.
That doesn’t have to be the case! There are actually more pros than cons when it comes to sober sex. Here are some of my favourites.
Intense Orgasms
According to Healthline, alcohol can affect your mood to the point where an orgasm is seriously hard to come by (pun intended). Have you ever brought someone home with you after a night out, thinking you were up for it, before realising it was probably just the excitement of being ‘out’-out? Well, probably not. We are in the time of COVID, after all. But when it comes down to it, you realise you’re not actually in the mood anymore.
Of course, mood changes can happen while you’re sober. But when you’re in a sexy headspace, sometimes all you need is a good orgasm. And when it’s good, it’s really damn good.
Sobriety allows you to get creative with your orgasms as well. Being in the right headspace to experiment with sex is great for your overall bed confidence. Extend your time in bed with the use of sex toys, different positions, or edging for that explosive climax at the end. Take your time with it and have fun!
Afterglow
There’s no denying that sense of tranquillity you feel after you climax. In fact, we wrote all about it last month! Orgasms trigger off a release of Oxytocin, which is one of the ‘happy’ chemicals. This can conflict with your alcohol consumption, seeing as drink is a depressant. Not only would your orgasm feel less intense, you’d also feel less calm in the wake of it.
After you orgasm, you often feel undeniably calm. That feeling of lying in your sex partner’s arms, talking nonsensically and drifting off to sleep is what sex is all about.
Afterglow is, without a doubt, one of the most intimate parts of sex. You might as well experience it while you’re sober enough to stay present for it.
Easier Lubrication
Sex feels all the better with natural lube. Alcohol can hinder this too, sometimes. When we’re aroused, the blood flow to our genitals is increased – causing pre-cum or ‘wetness’. When we’re under the influence, alcohol can interrupt our genitals’ ability to self-lubricate; causing painful sex, or just making us feel less aroused in general!
When sober, we’re tuned in to our bodies enough to know how to tackle this problem if it arises. Most of us keep a bottle of lube in our bedside table, making for stress-free sex.
Hangxiety? Who is she?
We all remember that clouded feeling of doom after a big night out. Who did I flirt with? Did I kiss anyone? God, I hope I didn’t take my top off in the middle of the pub again… actually, scratch that one. Hangover anxiety – or ‘hangxiety’ – can get the best of us.
Don’t get me wrong, I have my fair share of sober sex regrets. But to be able to know I reacted authentically, laughed it off and moved on is easier than spending a week with anxiety, wondering who I embarrassed myself in front of!
