I cannot count the amount of times that a bad mental health day has been solved by a good spanking.
Not necessarily because I have gotten laid, but because there is a catharsis from being made to cry, squirm and feel pain that feels reminiscent to my old self harm habits.
Instead of causing myself harm, I get to feel the release of pain in a safe space from (usually) a loved one, alongside a sense of sexual gratification.
By being submissive, I find liberation not just from my issues, but from the real world.
In between the figurative sheets of my mind and in a place named sub space, I am released from my problems to focus solely on the sensations of simultaneous pain and pleasure.
This relief isn’t just one felt by myself, but the mental health benefits of being involved in kink are spouted on all corners of the internet.
It isn’t just limited to the submissives among the scene either; with switches, dominants and general fetishes finding freedom from themselves in the sexual acts they practice.
Below, a variety of sex fiends sound off on how kink has helped them cope with mental health issues.
“Being a switch has helped me manage my mental health”
“Being a switch has helped me manage my mental health in such a healthy way. I struggle with control so the power exchange in my relationships helps on days when I need full control and on days where I would prefer to give all that up. I also struggle with self harm so sensation play helps me get a similar feeling but without the damaging effects. BDSM and kink have changed my life for the better and my brain has thanked me!” Cassie, switch
“Being submissive is an escape”
“Being submissive is a huge escape from my anxiety and worrying about everything and having to control everything. I actually think it has been as useful as therapy or medication, but only when practicing kink with a partner who I love and trust with my boundaries.” – Anon, submissive
“Being a Dom meant I had control”
“Being a Dom meant that when I felt like I didn’t have control of other things in my life, I felt like I could have control over the sexual situation. I also really enjoy the mental exercise of seeing what makes someone tick, as well as bring them up and down. It also helped with my PTSD as I was able to be in control and by doing so meant that I was able to reintroduce sex into my life without panicking every time due to trauma.” – Hannah, dominant
“Being a pup gives me an escape”
“I’ve always had issue with confidence and being overly anxious, and pup play helps me escape from all the stupid things I’m anxious or depressed over, because when I’m a pup: I only need to focus on pleasing my owner, or play fighting with other pups on who’s going to get to a chew toy first.” Alex, pup
“King is a world outside of regular experience”
“Kink for me, is a world outside of regular experience. I’ve struggled with mental health issues (more specifically Borderline Personality Disorder) for a long time, but I’ve come to appreciate kink as a space separate from those struggles. In my day to day I can be overcome with anxiety about the future, or struggling through how shit it can be to be trans in the UK, but in a kink space, I’m only concerned with the relationship between me and a sub. The disempowerment being trans can make you feel, in kink that absence is filled with the power my partner hands to me.
I’m not a different person. The large part of me that desires to give people joy is at much as play in kink, as it is in volunteering. My relationships are always sub-fantasy centred, and whether they’re deriving joy from pain, or restraint, or role play, it’s still that giving of joy that I’m interested in. But with kink, I can operate from a playful, empowered, and sexy position.
Finding a space where power dynamics can be reversed, and the rest of the world can be put aside, while you share in joy (and pain) with another is an overwhelmingly positive thing.” – Ana, dominant
“Being a sub is therapeutic”
“I’ve always found it really therapeutic to be able to just let go: I’m a sub and I’m prone to depression and issues with how I view my own body. But I am also lucky enough to be with someone who allows me to give them control and not bring me to any serious harm, while also enjoying and accepting the submissive aspect of me.
I find it super affirming that my peril can be viewed as erotic or that I can be deemed aesthetically pleasing when in role. I’ve always found play just as beneficial as something like medication or counselling when trying to ground myself. Like, a good sensory deprivation session can work like forced meditation, or humiliation can allow me to think through the worst things I worry about to be true about myself and abstract them from reality.” – Anon, submissive
Quotes have been edited for clarity and length.
