I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) five years ago. At the time, I didn’t understand what it meant. I just knew that I had all of these thoughts and feelings that didn’t make sense.
I was also nervous to be diagnosed with it because there is so much stigma around the disorder.
But I’ve learned over time that this stigma is just that – stigma. It’s not an actual reflection of BPD.
I wanted to write this list to hopefully educate others on BPD, and to let people who have BPD know that they’re not alone.
We deal with stigma daily
When you have BPD, you’re often met with stigmatic responses when you open up – which is especially prevalent on Twitter. Mentioning your mental illness online is often met with a barrage of abuse, labelling us toxic. But we are not toxic. These people often brand us toxic because of experiences they’ve had with people who just happen to have BPD. But this is not a reflection on all people with BPD. Anyone can be a bad person – whether they have BPD or not.
We love people deeply
As someone with BPD, I know that my love runs deep. When I love someone, they are my world and I would do anything for them. I know this is the same with other people with BPD, too. We often put the people we love before ourselves – because it’s important to us that they are happy and know that they are loved.
We’re loyal partners and friends
Though there’s often an assumption that we have unstable relationships – and in fact this is listed as one of the main symptoms of BPD – we are extremely loyal. As mentioned above, we tend to put ourselves last. Relationships are truly important to us, and our loyalty is strong.
We try to hide our insecurities – but sometimes it’s impossible
I know with myself, I have a lot of insecurities that I often try to hide at the expense of myself. I tend to feel embarrassed and nervous about my insecurities, because it’s hard to open up when you fear judgement. I wish we could be more honest about our insecurities in order to seek support.
Being scared of abandonment
This is again listed as another symptom – and in many aspects it can be true. Because you love so deeply, being abandoned by your favourite person is a huge fear, and we will do anything to make sure they are happy so that this doesn’t happen. The idea of losing someone we love so much is terrifying.
Feeling empty a lot of the time
Despite the emotions we feel, it’s common to feel empty a lot. It’s like we don’t have a great sense of self and it’s confusing. Sometimes I feel everything at once – and other times I feel absolutely nothing. Just numb.
Our moods change quite quickly
We can go from feeling happy and secure to feeling lost and alone or irritable quite quickly. We try our best to keep it to ourselves but the emotions can often feel overwhelming and in some cases absolutely suffocating.
We are not bad people
Despite what people say, we are not bad people. We are good people. As mentioned above, we are loyal and loving and tend to put our own needs last to make sure the people we love are happy. We deserve love and kindness – not stigma and nasty comments.
