Lockdown has taken the thrill of the casual hook-up away from us. Since last March, I’ve become a dedicated follower within the practice of sexting. I’ve spent two-thirds of my me-time Googling how to enrich my virtual sex life – listening to podcasts, reading self-help guides, consulting love gurus and filling out a sex journal.
As much as sexting can be a gorgeous way of getting closer, a relaxing way to spend an evening or an exciting new venture with a stranger – part of becoming an adult is maintaining your online sex life as safely as you would IRL.
But what does this actually mean? Sending sexy snaps and suggestive texts has become far more prevalent in the last few years than when I was at school. As a teenager, I was taught that nothing good can ever come from sexting (this claim is disputed by my multiple orgasms) so you might as well refrain from it completely. We know this isn’t true, so how can you conduct yourself to minimise the risks?
Remain Faceless
Nothing beats the sensuality of IRL sex, I get it. Gazing lustfully into the other person’s eyes while you’re on top of them – imagining soft lips, flushed cheeks and a slight wrinkle of their nose while they’re doing their lovely cum face. It’s the good stuff you want to vividly picture while you’re entangled in a sexy phone conversation of your own. But the cost of an uncropped nude can be far more impactful than one evening of fun.
Sending nudes is a far less stigmatised practice than it was just 5 five years ago – but the risks are still very real. You never fully know what the person behind the screen is thinking, and what they’re planning on using your photos for. Cropping your face out of a couple of nude photos can ensure they’re unidentifiable if they’re ever viewed by someone other than the intended recipient. Stay safe, remain faceless.
Follow Your Gut Instinct
They say the most important sexual organs are your genitalia – but your gut is an underrated hero in this case. In an IRL situation, no-one knows exactly how much you’re comfortable with apart from you. It’s the same online, as well. You wouldn’t give someone head if you weren’t comfortable with it, or strip completely naked if you prefer to keep a top on when the lights go down – so don’t feel pressured into sexting when it isn’t something you’re 110% comfortable with.
Learning how to sext safely can be a long process – I’ve definitely been placed in positions where I’ve felt coerced into sending photos, or talking about a certain act. As soon as you feel like the vibes are off, confidently tell them ‘no’.
Ultimately, if that person loses interest – were they really worth your time anyway?
Stranger Danger
Finding a connection with a stranger is what dating is all about. Whether sexual or otherwise, once you’ve found that chemistry, you’re going to do everything to keep it. During the pandemic, meeting up with people IRL has become an impossible task. You can Skype, you can ring them – but nothing beats meeting someone you fancy face-to-face. This is where vigilance comes in handy.
Trust is a great foundation for any kind of relationship – casual, sexual or platonic. But it can’t be developed overnight. When sending nudes to a stranger for the first time, ask yourself why you’re doing it. Is it because you like, and trust them? Is it just because you’re horny? Is it because they’re pressuring you? Either way, make sure you’re sending them for the right reasons, and know the risks.
My Name Is: No
In the same vein, there are some things you just don’t give out to a potential sex partner the first time you meet them. Back in the good old days of February 2020, I’d never give out my address to a guy I’d met in Revs earlier that night. Would you do the same for a Tinder match?
Your personal details – such as your address, debit card info and home phone number are personal for a reason. The beauty of consent is, you don’t even have to give the other person your WhatsApp details if you’re not comfortable with that. If you feel dodgy about someone you’ve met on a dating app, just know you don’t owe them anything. Including your private information.
Have Fun!
Sexting is meant to be fun! When managed confidently and comfortably, you should come away from your sexting session feeling invigorated and excited about the other person/group of people. If taking nudes empowers you, take 100 of them and send them to your partner. If you like to dominate the chat with an all-singing, all-dancing, sensory experience – record those voice notes until your throat is hoarse. Just make sure that this is fun for you. Knowing you can step away and retract consent at any point is just as liberating as recording a sexy video for that other person.
