Sex and mental health are two topics that many people avoid talking about. We steer clear of these subjects due to fear or embarrassment, but we are starting to see a shift in behaviour. It’s great to see society start to show sensitivity of these issues separately, but there is a connection between sex and mental health that needs greater awareness.
How Do Sex And Mental Health Link?
Many think that our bodies are doing all the work, but a huge part of sex occurs in the brain. Our state of mind is crucial in becoming aroused and staying turned on.
Mental health conditions affect our thoughts and feelings, which can make it hard to enjoy sex. Anxiety and depression may cause intrusive thoughts, making it difficult to relax and be present in the moment. Sex can be amazing for people struggling mentally though. It cannot magically cure mental health conditions, but the feel good hormones released can reduce anxiety and depression symptoms.
Connecting through physical contact, like holding, nurturing and embracing, can also help you to feel fully intimate with your partner(s).
Why Is Sex Good For Your Mental Health?
Disree Shaw of the Counselling Directory wrote that the intimacy and affection that follows after sex has a positive effect on wellbeing, which is replenished after each sexual experience.
Pointing to studies researching couples having sex once a week compared to once a month, Shaw states that the ‘once a week’ couples had a greater levels of wellbeing. Embracing, loving and touching each other regularly means they intimately engage with each other often. This makes them more likely to act more caring towards each other in general, which has a positive effect on overall mental health.
Shaw does warn that this only occurs when all partners are satisfied with the sex. There is a difference between merely just having sex and actually fully connecting and exploring someone else. Sex is more complex than it is portrayed on screen. There are funny moments, silly mistakes, and different arousal levels, which are all parts of real, genuine sex. This is healthy, allowing these less than picture perfect moments to happen can relieve sexual anxiety and aid mental health.
How Can You Make Your Sex Life Better & Improve Your Wellbeing?
Again, remember that our ideas of sex are affected by the media we consume, it doesn’t have to be so full on. In reality, you aren’t going to be lit by soft lighting or flexible enough to pull off awkward looking positions. Sex can just be about being close with someone else. Taking the stress out of what sex ‘should’ look like can help mental health suffers relax and actually enjoy the experience.
If you’re finding sex stressful, a great way to take the pressure off is focusing on sensuality with your partner(s). Explore each other without focusing on centering the event around penetrative sex or ending in orgasm. Changing these concepts of sex allow us to explore the many feelings that happen when sensually relating to another person.
Removing the focus from penetration and orgasms can also ease sexual anxiety as well. Enjoy experimenting with different kinds of intimacy, like massaging, stroking and hugging. Just touching and holding someone are physical signs of the affection between you and your partner.
More of this tenderness means less chances for mental health conditions to affect deeply, like depression or stress.
If your partner struggles with their mental health, this can start to affect their desire levels.
When this happens, it is easy to feel undesirable and unwanted, which can start to affect your own mental health too.
If this occurs try and remember that it is an illness which is influencing your sex life.
Mental health issues thrive on inner feelings of loneliness and criticism, but you can work towards fighting them. To do this, Shaw advises avoiding ‘quickies’, stating that time should be used to explore each other.
This doesn’t have to involve physical touch, actual communication is key. Really enjoy each other’s company. Flirt, laugh and tease each other, let your partner know that you find them sexy and vice versa. Talk about your inner desires and fantasise about new things you could do together.
Fulfilling sex requires taking the time to understand your partner, being conscious of their needs and your own. Understanding each other helps tackle the feelings of seclusion and guilt that mental illness needs to thrive.
Sex is part of human nature, and we should all have the right to enjoy sexual experiences. Mental illness can make life extremely difficult, but sex can be a great in helping our wellbeing. Prioritising an actual connection through communication & physical affection with another person is essential, it can really improve your life day to day.
