While we were all hoping 2021 would be a fresh start away from the horrors of 2020, the new year unfortunately heralded a new lockdown – seeing millions of us now turning to television to fill the long evenings stuck indoors.
Naturally, Netflix (without the chill) is helping us past the time, with one of their latest offerings, Bridgerton, being one of this year’s most watched and talked about series – with over 63 million households worldwide having tuned into the racy regency drama.
Bridgerton tells the story of the well-to-do Daphne Bridgerton (Phoebe Dynevor) as she navigates the marriage markets of the 19th century. After being on the receiving end of a number of stinging remarks in Lady Whistledown’s waspish newsletter, she decides to start a faux-showmance with the dashing but emotionally unavailable Duke of Hastings (Rége-Jean Page) – but when genuine sparks start to fly between the pair, the false relationship quickly becomes physical.
With its diverse casting, enviable wardrobe department and sharp repertoire of wit, Bridgerton is captivating if not slightly fluffy television, ideal to take our mind off our grim circumstances. But while the show should be celebrated for its successes, it is equally as culpable for glamorising worryingly toxic and troublesome behaviours in relationships.
“When we as viewers find ourselves romanticising toxic relationship dynamics, we tend to normalise behaviours that aren’t healthy in real life, romantically speaking,” Dating & Relationship Expert Sarah Louise Ryan explains.
“When it comes to relationships on the TV such as between Daphne and Simon in Bridgerton, viewers often hope for the happy ending that the toxic behaviours will simmer down and that the characters will be tamed by love.”
It’s clear from the outset that Daphne and the Duke want very different things – while she wants a true love match and lots of children, Simon, however, is a certified regency rake – not interested in long term relationships, no desire for marriage and steadfastly doesn’t want to father children.
But when their relationship born in artifice (an unhealthy start to any pairing, to say the least) then becomes genuine, the pair are constantly butting heads over their different needs. In one scene, Simon and Daphne are passionately kissing – the next sees him saying he’s not interested, saying he’d rather duel than marry a Bridgerton.
“Any relationship that is based on untruths and deceit isn’t healthy at all and so could be described as toxic,” Sarah Louise says. “Lies, especially around such core fundamentals of building a family in a relationship are not good foundations for a healthy, loving relationship to thrive.”
Daphne also exhibits toxic behaviour. While Simon claims he is impotent, his lie is exposed after Daphne forces him to ejaculate inside her by refusing to unmount him during sex – with some considering the scene an equivalent of a sexual assault.
“The actions and behaviours that exist in this dynamic in Bridgeton don’t lend themselves well to an equal partnership,” Sarah says. “It’s always a power play where one person is winning and the other is losing, even if the tables turn from one person to another.”
Of course, Daphne and the Duke are not unique in their toxicity – unhealthy and potentially dangerous relationships are commonplace in popular media. From archetypal unattainable (and even unnamed) man Mr. Big in Sex and the City, who toys with Carrie for several years through a number of tangled rendezvous, to the cliched trope of the bisexual bully Adam who ends up pairing up with victim Eric in Sex Education – troublesome relationships are not only ten a penny, but presented as desirable.
Mr. Big’s voyage to Paris in order to tell Carrie “she’s The One” is presented almost like a fairytale – with Big arriving in Paris as the knight in shining armour just as Carrie (who, by the way, is dressed in a ballgown) is falling apart. Adam and Eric receive a huge celebratory musical number when Adam asks Eric to hold his hand, prompting a hugely emotional response from the crowd as they walk off together towards the sunset.
Even with more obviously toxic relationships, such as between Anastacia and Christian in the 50 Shades franchise, it adheres to the tired trope that a person can change a partner, making them more malleable to their own needs.
“When it comes to relationships on TV, viewers often hope for the happy ending that the toxic behaviours will simmer down and that the characters will be tamed by love,” Sarah Louise says. “We humans love a resolution, especially when it comes to a romantic storyline that has its ups and downs.
“It could be said we want them to be together so much so that it’s in a similar vein to, let’s say, a person who always attracts ‘bad boys’ in the hope that they will be ‘the one’ to tame them. We are hoping these two characters will be tamed by their desire for one another and it will result in happy ever after.”
But there a few glimmers of hope on the horizon. Although not fictional (at least, not in their entirety), reality shows such as Love Island have shown us some of the real consequences of being in toxic relationship. From Rosie standing up to Adam after being gaslight in Love Island series four, to Maura calling out Tom’s “all mouth” sexism in season five.
Love Island is a microcosm, albeit heightened, of the dating landscape. It’s a cultural talking point which provides a platform to discuss and question certain behaviours by holding a mirror up to all of us.
With impressionable young people making up the show’s primary demographic (16-34-year olds), watching toxic relationships play out on screen could motivate us to call out the perpetrators and question our own behaviour.
And it’s reassuring to see that, despite its glossy packaging and alluring story, people are recognising the toxicity of Bridgerton’s main storyline – seeing Daphne and Simon’s relationship for what it really is.
“It’s so weird in 2020 to show a man who didn’t want marriage and kids suddenly have a change of heart. It’s so toxic to young women, who will think you can change a man,” one viewer wrote on Twitter.
“Bridgerton’s downfall for me is how Daphne has this need to change Simon. These types of unrealistic “Love endures all” can be problematic if young girls feel the need to stay in toxic relationships to heal broken men.” added another.
By showing the repercussions of unhealthy actions in relationships, television can act as a guide to appropriate behaviours with loved ones and partners. Toxic relationships in TV are only really a problem when the consequences are watered down or avoided entirely.
“Seeing relationships like this on tv is a double edge sword,” Sarah Louise agrees. “It’s great that directors and writers can create a space for the conversation to be had around such difficult and intricate topics such as toxic relationships.”
