Recurring urinary tract infections (UTIs) are often dismissed as just ‘part of being a woman.’ However, they can be incredibly painful and usually don’t go away without antibiotics.
People with vaginas are more likely to get recurring infections because of their anatomy. The closeness of the vagina to the urethra means that bacteria can travel from one to the other. This is why it’s common to get an infection after sex, but it is not an STI.
If, like me, you get an infection nearly every time you have sex it can cause anxiety. In a world that still shames women for their sexuality, it sometimes feels like you’re being punished for having sex. I need to weigh up if it’s worth the pain. You know that cliché quote about how life is too short to have bad sex? It becomes quite literal when you could be curled up in bed with a hot water bottle and painkillers for days afterwards.
Fortunately, there are some things you can do to reduce the risk of getting a UTI. Dr Sophie Chung recommends “urinating after sex, drinking plenty of fluids, taking showers instead of baths, taking vaginal probiotics, staying clear of scented menstrual products and wearing loose-fitting clothing.”
“Normally, UTIs clear up after a few days,” Dr Chung continues, “but some women suffer from stubborn, chronic cases. If you’ve had two or more UTIs within six months, it’s time to see a urologist – a doctor with expertise in diagnosing and treating urinary tract conditions. They will likely recommend low-dose antibiotics to be taken from six weeks to several months or vaginal oestrogen therapy to help restore the normal bacterial balance.”
However, there is no long term ‘cure’ and it can take a long time to find a treatment that works for you. In the meantime, how do you mediate the impact on your sex life and relationships? While most partners will be understanding, it can be awkward to bring up and can get in the way of having a happy, relaxed sex life. I usually mention my chronic UTIs early on in a relationship to explain my excessive water drinking and the fact that I’ll likely be in a great deal of pain in 24 hours’ time.
UTIs can have an impact on your self-confidence, sex life, relationships, and mental health. We spoke to five women about their experiences and what they’ve found to be helpful in preventing and managing their recurring UTIs.
Jasmine, 28
UTIs make me very anxious about sex because it often triggers an infection, particularly intense sex or, as has happened in the past, if my partner’s particularly well-endowed. Some types of condoms also seem to cause a flare. I normally make sure I pee after sex and that before penetration I’m wet enough. I always have to make sure I don’t get too dehydrated. I basically live in fear that I’ll have a UTI again, especially because my UTIs are very painful. They don’t go away without antibiotics, and I don’t want to always have to take antibiotics as I’m afraid I’ll become resistant to them. UTIs make me very anxious about ‘planning’ not to have them because I become very tentative about having sex again for a while for fear of being in pain. I don’t usually tell new partners that I get UTIs but when it comes up, they’re generally very helpful and sympathetic. They’ve always brought me water and meds. They’ve understood, luckily.
Emma, 29
Eight out of ten times I know I will flare after sex. UTIs can be a huge turn off because you are ultimately willingly putting yourself in pain. They give you symptoms that don’t make you feel attractive too. I recently went through a real struggle with anxiety and sex as I couldn’t bring myself to put myself in pain but felt awful for my husband. It is damaging mentally because you still want to enjoy your sex life with your partner but the after effects can outweigh the moment. Before I was married, I never used to mention my chronic UTIs to partners because most people don’t understand them or think that it’s just an excuse to not have sex.
Lauren, 31
Sex triggers flares for me the vast majority of the time. I won’t have sex if I’m struggling with it despite how in the mood I am. It’s a massive hindrance. I have to prepare myself. If I really want to have sex with my partner it might cause a flare so I have to weigh it up in my mind; am I prepared for this? Am I prepared to be in agony afterwards? I am a very sexual person so needless to say over the years I’ve found ways around it but it can’t be spontaneous. I’ve got to think about it. I find using lots of lubricant helps, but I haven’t found a lot that helps. The pain makes me very down. I am a therapist so it’s often difficult to admit that but it affects my mental health severely. Being in constant pain makes me feel crap.
Mary, 34
It’s rare that I get a UTI now but throughout my twenties it was an ongoing battle. There were certainly a few years where I had very limited sexual activity for fear of having an infection. Even if I didn’t get an infection, symptoms would still flare up. When it first started, I was a few months into a new relationship. I was really embarrassed. I didn’t think anyone was going to understand. My boyfriend at the time, who’s now my husband, was very understanding. It was actually my friendships that suffered the most. I was 24 and everyone was out partying and drinking and socialising and I wasn’t going anywhere. I suddenly gave up drinking because I was in so much pain and so miserable. There were certain friendships that I lost because I wasn’t in that circle and I wasn’t doing the same things at the weekends anymore.
Clare, 31
It all started when I started having more regular sex. I still get cystitis fairly regularly but not as much as I used to. If I don’t pee straight after sex, I will definitely get an infection. It completely turned me off wanting to have sex for long stretches of time because I was worried that I’d get an infection. It makes you realise whether you’re going out with a really nice guy or an asshole. One time I was seeing this guy and I told him I wasn’t feeling good and he came round with flowers and ice cream and some cystitis sachets and then I’ve had other boyfriends who don’t know what it is and they’re like, “is it an STI?” and they’re weirded out by it and they’re a bit miffed because it’s going to reduce the number of times or the frequency of sex in the relationship. It’s been a bit of a problem at times, especially in long distance relationships because there’s an expectation that when you see each other after three weeks, you’re gonna have a passionate weekend but sometimes that didn’t work out and I’d end up getting an infection on the first or second day. That was always a bit tense, but there was an understanding that it’s not my fault and I’ve never been made to feel that way.