I’ve always been into sexting. Sometimes even over real sex. It’s no hassle, you don’t have to spend four weeks courting over martinis and mini golf dates, and both parties get what they need: satisfaction and sexual freedom. However, I didn’t realise how much I needed sexting during the coronavirus pandemic; a time of deep physical disconnect and fear.
While my anxiety skyrocketed about the world around me, I needed a space that I could control, to feel strong, sexy and close to another human being.
Anxiety had really depleted my self-esteem, I wasn’t sleeping, it was hard even to focus on work let alone a deep and meaningful connection with someone else. You’d never have thought that taking intimate pictures of my body and talking about what I wanted sexually would be top of my list.
But one day an old partner commented on my Instagram story with the flame emoji and we got talking. He asked me if I had Snapchat and I said yes, (I didn’t, I quickly headed to the app store), and the game had started. I picked out some nice lingerie that had made its home at the very back of my underwear draw, took a deep breath and took a few photos.
My initial reaction was to take the underwear off, put on the biggest baggiest jumper and wrap myself in my duvet. However, the more I flirted and the more we talked, the better I felt about the pictures. It was really empowering for me to send a picture of myself and get such a strong reaction. I realised that what I really needed was intimacy and human connection.
Anxiety can sometimes feel like the world’s issues are lodged within your chest and you can’t get them out. During the pandemic this feeling tripled; wearing a mask on public transport, fearing people getting close to you and feeling lonely were the new norm. Anxiety is that annoying voice telling you you’re not good enough or that everything is going wrong and the world is crumbling around you.
But the world really was crumbling around me.
I needed an outlet for my stress and anxiety, and that was on Whatsapp sending flirty, dirty messages to men and women I barely knew. There’s something deeply erotic about being sent an ‘I want to f*** you’ message when you know there’s no chance of meeting.
Sexting naturally follows social distancing protocols and it allows an opportunity to be whoever you want to be. As long as you have a willing, caring and consenting partner the world of opportunity for sexual expression is limitless. Sexting is not just all dick pics and ‘show me your tits’. The words ‘So….are you up?’ or ‘Hey stranger’, instil fear into many women’s hearts. Flashbacks of Tinder one-liners, unsolicited Snapchat pics and cringeworthy Hinge chats flood back into our minds.
This was the classic opener for sexting when we were 18, with all the charm of a late night fumble at a house party. But I am no longer 18. As I hit my mid-twenties, I was aware that I could reform sexting for my own pleasure, just like I could try and take control of the things that I felt were spiralling in my life.
If I feel like recording a video I will, knowing that if I feel like it, I can share my sexual liberation with the man or woman that I’m messaging in a moment of mutual connection and celebration.
However, it’s important to only send what you’re comfortable with, and if you don’t know the person don’t put your face in any nudes.
Many people I know have said to me, ‘you’re just relying on someone’s validation for your self-esteem’, but I disagree.
What is more empowering than knowing your own body and being proud of how it looks.
What is more empowering and fulfilling than using sexting, not to replace masturbation, but to aid it? As we enter the final section of this year, and the pandemic rages on, being in control of your life and situation becomes even more important.
Sexting allowed me to state my boundaries in a clearer and easier way than if I was having sex with someone in person.
It also gave me room to explore my desires and my body, as well as making me more adventurous with sex toys and prioritising my own pleasure.
Sometimes I just put some lingerie on by myself, stick on some Blondie and have a dance around.
If I feel like recording a video I will, knowing that if I feel like it, I can share my sexual liberation with the man or woman that I’m messaging in a moment of mutual connection and celebration.
However, it’s important to only send what you’re comfortable with, and if you don’t know the person don’t put your face in any nudes.
Many people I know have said to me, ‘you’re just relying on someone’s validation for your self-esteem’, but I disagree.
What is more empowering than knowing your own body and being proud of how it looks? What is more empowering and fulfilling than using sexting, not to replace masturbation, but to aid it?
As we enter the final section of this year, and the pandemic rages on, being in control of your life and situation becomes even more important.
Sexting isn’t a fix all solution, but it can give you a small semblance of control and intimacy that fills the void left by missing friends and a lack of normality. When I feel like I can truly be accepted for being myself I feel less anxious, have a clearer mind, and worry less about what people think. For me, sexual freedom and mental freedom work hand in hand.