As a vaginismus recoveree, I try to use lube in as many sexual situations as I possibly can. From an off-the-cuff hook-up to a romantic session in the bedroom, I always communicate my need for lubricant with the other person. Penetration can still be painful for me – as much as I enjoy it – so naturally I’m wholeheartedly in love with lube.
Lube is a multi-faceted miracle (same) which can be effectively utilised in a number of sexy scenarios. But, like sex toys, it has to be carefully introduced to a partner(s) without affecting their self-esteem. Wanting to incorporate lubricant into sex isn’t a failure on your partner’s behalf – and it certainly isn’t on yours, either. You can counteract the stigma of using lube – it can be negatively associated with vaginal dryness – by creating an open dialogue about it.
Lubricant can maximise your pleasure in a plethora of ways. These tips will guide you on how to gently ease yourself into – get it – introducing lube to a partner.
Communicate
Lube is often seen as an optional sex aid, but it can majorly mean the difference between pain and pleasure. Lubricant is an uncompromising essential for anal sex, as well as a life-saver for those who suffer from vaginismus (or other pain disorders) and vaginal dryness (which is nothing to be ashamed of, by the way). It can ease friction pain – especially with condoms, though it’s always important to use a water-based lubricant with a latex condom.
Wanting to incorporate lube into your sex is valid, whatever the reason. Communication is key. Sensitively discuss your reasons with your partner(s); be mindful of their self-esteem. Let them know that you want to maximise everyone’s pleasure as much as possible, and lube could significantly help with doing so.
Shop For Lube Together
Keeping an open dialogue is imperative for introducing new things to the bedroom. Part of this is exploring, and making that exploration a joint activity will only help with growing intimacy in your sexual relationship. Spend time shopping for lubricant with your partner(s), either online or in store. Make sure it’s a joint effort – if they like the look of a particular lube, honour that with your time and attention. Shopping for sex aides can be a fun, liberating experience!
Don’t Take It Too Seriously
Using lube, or the reasons for needing it, don’t need to always be treated preciously. Make reaching for the lube a sign of initiating sex, for instance, and the negative stigmas for needing lubricant will drop away.
I’m also sure there are plenty of “slip and slide” jokes you can make – if you are comfortable enough making them – that will ease the tension and show that using lube will only add to your joint enjoyment. Whether than enjoyment is penetration or having a little giggle, combining the both always makes for the best sex in my opinion.
Explore Different Sensations
Science is amazing – and thankfully, we no longer are limited to chemical-smelling medical jelly (a weapon of choice for most gynaecologists) when we talk about lube. Lubricant can be scented, flavoured, hot to the touch or cold and tingly. Lube isn’t simply an aid for effective P-in-V action! It can be the perfect accompaniment to sensory play.
That said, we’ve all heard horror stories about different kinds of lubricant, so be sure to thoroughly research any products you will be using inside or around your body.
Make things a bit more exciting by blindfolding your partner(s), and go wild! Likewise, flavoured lube can be amazing for oral sex. And again, remember to be careful with heavily-scented products if you’re susceptible to yeast infections or sensitive skin.
Incorporate Lube Into Your Regular Routine
Lubricant is multi-talented – make sure you’re getting the most out of it! And I don’t mean spreading strawberry lube on toast instead of jam. Once you’re happy with using lube in a certain way, try incorporating it into your regular routine. Sure, it can be a little messy. But looking out for your needs involves prioritising pleasure and ease over discomfort and people-pleasing, and the right partner will be the one who ensures your – or their – need for lube is never seen as shameful.
