Trigger warning: This content mentions sexual assault, harassment and trauma. It may be distressing for some readers.
The effects of trauma can be unpredictable. They manifest physically, emotionally and mentally with everyone’s responses being unique. The same applies to someone’s reaction to a one-off sexually traumatic event such as harassment, assault or rape.
However, these responses can fluctuate in intensity over time. A frequent trigger is the anniversary of a sexual trauma. The day itself and time surrounding the event can be difficult for a survivor but there are ways to prepare for an upcoming anniversary. Still, it’s important to remember that this shouldn’t be to appear ‘normal’ or ‘fine’ but to help with coping and eliminating some of the stresses during the period.
Identify Possible Triggers
Triggers can be split into external and internal triggers. Internal triggers are to do with emotions and sensations such as anxiety or pain. External triggers are where our environment can trigger us. Identifying your triggers can mean you can develop a more nuanced safety plan (a strategy when dealing with a crisis). Write down any personal triggers such as news cycles relaying sexual violence stories or specific smells. Once you identify these triggers, you can be mindful of how to cope with them (e.g. – self-soothing and breathing exercises) or how to reduce the likelihood of confronting them (e.g. – taking a break from watching the news and not visiting certain places).
Making A Personal Schedule for the Day
Each person will need unique circumstances to cope with their sexual trauma anniversaries. Planning a personal schedule means you can design a routine for your specific needs and can create a sense of security. Do you need to take a mental health day off work? Would you benefit from increased self-care practices? How can you prep for a change in sleeping habits? It’s important to try to avoid self-criticism if you end up deviating from the schedule – this is just so you can anticipate any precautions you may want to take.
However, don’t feel that you need to deviate from your regular routine. If you prefer distraction to cope with the day or want to feel as close as you can to ‘normalcy’, then that is a valid desire. Making your personal schedule similar to your already-established daily routine is as valuable as making changes.
Resisting Ideas of the ‘Right’ Response
When speaking to a facilitator at the School of Sexuality Education, they told me, “Survivors might also use several coping mechanisms to manage feelings associated with trauma, but in our society, we do not view all ways of coping in the same way. For example, many people use alcohol and drugs to cope with trauma, whilst others might over-exercise or over-work. We tend to celebrate the latter yet shame the former – to be “trauma-informed” we must see both as equally valuable ways of coping […] when we are quick to judge or challenge behaviour which we think is harming the survivor, we may be taking away something, that right now, is what is helping that person get out of bed in the morning and continue to survive the effects of trauma.”
This applies to both others criticising your response and your own self-critical voice. There is no ‘right’ way to respond to trauma and being patient and understanding of your coping mechanisms is one of the most valuable things you can do.
Making Sure You Have Access to People Who Can Help
This can work in a couple of different ways. Firstly, it could be speaking to the people who you live with or loved ones about how you may need extra support during this time. This can relate to tasks such as laundry and cooking or pastoral care like being emotionally available. You don’t need to relay the details of your sexual trauma but explaining how a difficult time for you is coming up can help relieve anticipation.
Secondly, having access to specialist services might be more appropriate or if you don’t have an immediate support network that can suitably help you. The School of Sexuality Education says, “access to specialist support for survivors of sexual violence is so vital, so that these impacts and responses can be explored in a safe and grounded environment”. Knowing how to get in touch with rape crisis services in advance can mean you’re receiving appropriate, professional support as soon as you can.
Remember that there is no typical response to sexual trauma and you may not know how your mind or body will react on an anniversary. However, being mindful of how to care for yourself during this time is worthwhile.