The pace of change is increasing. Whether it’s the price of fuel changing, or the shelf display in the supermarket, every day we must adapt to things changing around us, whether we are aware of it or not.
Whilst we may think it’s comforting to stick with the familiar and known to survive as human beings, we must be able to cope with the unknown, which by its very nature can be uncomfortable. What will happen? How will we manage? It can seem daunting when we are not in control of the change itself. So, the antidote to discomfort is to practice it – consciously putting oneself into a position of uncertainty and practicing the skill necessary for survival.
In 1996 I put myself into this position when I joined a team on a month-long expedition to the magnetic North Pole. This was an alien world for me – having to survive in the frozen Arctic wastes, in temperatures cold enough to freeze your flesh in seconds, whilst being on constant alert to the danger of polar bears. It was quite the baptism of fire in being uncomfortable! And challenged the very nature of what it means to be a human being and survive. But it also taught me about adaptability, and how 90% of the battle is in your head.
On our journey because we skied in single file and it was too cold to talk to one another, I was left alone with my thoughts for up to 12 hours a day. And I realised that I could become prisoner to those thoughts unless I become aware of how they influenced me. This awareness gave me freedom to take control of my self-talk rather than thoughts becoming my enemy.
Self-talk matters
After a few days I noticed that there was a correlation between how I was thinking and how fast I skied. When the journey ahead seemed impossible, I moved more slowly. When I believed it was going to be a good day, skiing improved. So, the first step to winning the battle in your mind is to become aware of your thoughts. What do you say to yourself when you encounter a new situation? Do you judge it? Do you engage with curiosity?
In social psychology there is a concept known as attribution which is about how we infer the cause of a situation or event. When I skied faster, was that caused by me or some external factor? We can diminish our self-esteem and confidence by unconsciously attributing a success to another reason. For example, it was only because the weather conditions changed that I skied faster. However, there is evidence that successful people tend to attribute good situations to the following self-talk “I caused it to happen, it always happens, and it happens everywhere.” So, the first step to becoming comfortable with facing unknown situations is to become aware of your self-talk. Once you have awareness you have a choice to change it. A more helpful commentary might be along the lines of I don’t know what will happen, but I know I have been in uncomfortable situations before and got through them, so I expect I can do so again.
Put yourself in the place of greatest opportunity
If we wanted to learn to play the piano, you might take lessons and then practice every day. Same goes for tennis, or computer programming. In fact, with any skill, practice and reflection and more practice will improve performance. The same goes for being uncomfortable. If you want to get better at being comfortable with the uncomfortable, put yourself in the place of greatest opportunity.
Walk down a new street in your town, ask your loved one a question that you haven’t asked them before, or join a new gym class, or group. And how will you know that it’s the opportunity to learn? You will feel it – your heart will beat faster. For example, if you were meeting someone face to face – look down at your feet and see what direction they are facing. If you are feeling fearful it’s likely that at least one of your feet will be pointing away from the person you are talking to. A sure sign that your body is getting ready to run.
And that the wonderful moment of learning – when it feels scary. It’s when you must lean in and have the courage to step into the unknown. Even for a moment. And then afterwards, take time to reflect. What did you notice about how you behaved? What went well? Just as the piano piece may not sound polished the first time it is played, learning to become comfortable does not happen overnight. It takes practice. And the benefit of practice is that it will become easier over time.
I’m glad our North Pole expedition lasted thirty days. It was enough time to build the skill of enduring discomfort. We encountered lots of unknowns – a polar bear up close, temperatures of minus 40 degrees and there were occasions that I felt I could not go on due to exhaustion. But it gave me an opportunity to learn a new skill. Waking up every day and knowing that no matter what I faced ahead, I’d get through it, just as I had done the day before, and the one before that. So, give yourself the opportunity to embrace discomfort and the unknown, and you’ll be better prepared for life’s journey ahead.
Article by Sue Stockdale polar explorer, coach and author of EXPLORE: A Life of Adventure
