BDD or Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a mental health condition characterised by obsessive thoughts about one’s body and appearance. This isn’t simply about disliking the way your nose looks in photos or wishing you were a little taller. People with Body Dysmorphic Disorder experience a high level of intrusive thoughts, anxiety, low self esteem, depression and the subsequent harmful physical effects of these issues.
Though the effects of BDD among women and girls is more widely discussed, Body Dysmorphic Disorder affects men and boys in exactly the same ways. So how do you know if BDD is affecting you and what are the signs? Four men open up about their relationships with their own bodies and how BDD has affected them.
Do I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder or am I just insecure?
One of the hardest things to do when you’re suffering with a mental health issue is to seek a diagnosis. Feeling so close to our own problems often normalises them, especially if we feel isolated and unable to relate to others. If you’re suffering with BDD, your intrusive thoughts, physical symptoms and behaviours might seem normal to you and without a diagnosis, it can be very difficult to recognise the scope and seriousness of your problem.
“I’ve always fundamentally felt that I can’t reach my true potential in any area of my life unless I can achieve the body I want” says 27-year old Matt* from London. “I think a lot of people feel like that. Male celebrities and their athletic body types are fetishised and idolised and if you don’t have that body type you’re not considered a man. Media showcases men as being alpha, dominant, big and strong, and you feel you should be the same. If your natural body shape doesn’t look like that it’s quite hard.
It’s important to be tall, handsome, strong and alpha, it encompasses everything – social media, dating apps, work. Girls on dating apps will put ‘6ft minimum’ in their bio. I talk with friends about how we all want to get big and bulk up and control the room, feel confident at work. We all feel, to an extent, that we have to look a certain way to get respect. If you don’t fit into those check boxes, do you feel invisible like you fall through the cracks a bit.”
How Do Dating Apps And Social Media Affect Body Confidence?
If you’ve ever looked at a fitspo account or an image of a beautiful curvy influencer on Instagram and felt negative about your own appearance, you’re not alone. Compare and despair is a common phenomenon for social media users, however, apps like TikTok, Instagram and even dating apps, can be especially triggering for those suffering with BDD.
Shadhin*, a 26-year old from New York, says, “Despite what people tell me, I would describe my body as that of a twelve-year-old boy. I tend to drink a lot of weight gainer products or meal replacement shakes. As the smallest kid in the class until the end of my high school career, I did feel invisible or less of a man. The women in my class weren’t interested in me and being so frail was something that played a part in it. I believe trans men might experience something close to what I feel.
I think the common perspective is that cis-het men love their bodies no matter the shape – women make jokes about it on social media. I’m against the ideas of the Incel Community but it’s an example of seeing more and more men open up about their bodies.
I use dating apps like Tinder and OkCupid but I stopped using the latter when I realised that people can actively filter people by body weight. I don’t include my weight or height in my bios on dating apps and I try to use photos that don’t show how skinny I am.”
Dating apps hold the power to make us feel hyper aware of our bodies in contrast to those of others and with the touch of a button, we can zero in on our perceived flaws, every minute of every day. Social media can provoke obsessive compulsive behaviours and alter our approaches to beauty, self care and body modification.
If you see a distorted version of yourself when you look in the mirror, this can wreak havoc on your sex life. For heterosexual men, this is no less the case than for anyone else. Body confidence is often associated with straight men, but obsessing about elements of one’s appearance is increasingly common in men, and their behaviours continue to reflect this.
Callum*, 39 from Brighton says, “I use dating apps and it makes me think about my body a lot more. It’s one thing putting a nice photo on your profile but it’s another when you might send pics or meet a stranger and they will see your body. It’s made me do things like manscape and probably does make me think more about going to the gym than I would do when I have been in relationships.
It does also make me more conscious of my dick, thinking about its size. Whether it looks good, how big it looks, wanting to feel like it’s impressive. I don’t think this was something I really considered until I was using dating apps and having different encounters, some casual, some with a view towards relationships. I left Instagram because it was so focused on images and I started to feel it wasn’t healthy.
I think maybe normalising nudity a bit more would help men who feel unhappy and insecure about their bodies. Though I know it’s dumb, I do think of naked body through a prism of desirability and not just, you know, a body. It’s one of those things I wish I didn’t feel but I know I can’t shake it. It’s probably because the only people to see me naked are people I am having sex with.”
What Are The Symptoms And Effects Of Body Dysmorphic Disorder?
As with any form of poor mental health, BDD can manifest in myriad ways. Sufferers may experience obsessive thoughts and anxiety attacks, disordered eating, pressing, pulling, picking, squeezing or cutting skin, not being able to be seen without face and body make up or certain clothing, avoiding mirrors and reflections, depression and agoraphobia.
BDD is most commonly associated with anxiety disorders and eating disorders but in the UK, a rise in BDD associated with extreme exercise and cosmetic procedures has been steady and continues to increase. Some suggest social media and reality television are to blame for these behaviours, but some health professionals argue that dysmorphic thinking can develop in school-age children with no access to these influences and that BDD is a deeply personal struggle.
Callum* felt awkward about his looks in his teens but has a good relationship with his body now. He says, “As a teenager I felt I might be rejected because of the way Iooked. I had the killer combo of red hair, glasses and acne, so not ideal. I had a crush on the most beautiful, popular girl in school. But looking back I realise it was my lack of confidence that was the issue, not my looks at all. My acne cleared up and redheads became fashionable.
Recently, the pandemic has made me realise that it’s important for me to do certain types of exercise to keep my body a certain way. I think I have good genes but I notice how as I get older it takes more effort. Having said that, even with the gyms being closed and not being able to do weights and stuff like that, I am actually surprised that my body still looks pretty good. I actually thought the other day that it was weird because I know I have put on weight. I wondered to myself if I had some kind of blindness to the changes in my body: like the opposite of body dysmorphia.
How To Deal With BDD And Feel More Confident?
If you feel you may be suffering with BDD or have been affected by any of the symptoms or feelings discussed in this article, there are plenty of things you can do to attend to and alleviate these emotions and behaviours. You can’t ‘cure’ a mental health issue in the blink of an eye and you will always have good days and bad days but you can start with the practice of self care and self appreciation and compassion.
27-year old Matt* says, “I have a pretty poor relationship with my body. I’m a 5”11 white guy with blue eyes, straight teeth and a strong jawline so I’ve always been told I’m good looking by conventional western standards. But years ago I was on the edge of an anxiety-led eating disorder doing extreme bulks, cuts and workouts.
When my mates tell me that women are looking at me I’m surprised. I don’t notice admiration or affirmation. I don’t perceive myself as being desirable and I suppose I don’t think I deserve it so I don’t expect it. I think in the same way that you see plus-sized female models and unique female models shown in campaigns, we need to see more diverse male models. Male models are all still huge muscled bodies and chiselled jaws, you don’t see much representation outside of that.
I’m pretty self conscious about my body but having a shower, buying new clothes, doing my hair and putting a nice fragrance on gives me a confidence boost. Fashion helps me to see myself differently and helps me feel good. I feel worse about myself if I’m unshaven in tracksuit bottoms so I think self care is really important for men.”
Self care rituals and making time to appreciate and look after your body is just as important for hetero men as it is for anyone else. We often hear that mental health issues leading to suicide affect young men on an unprecedented scale but our society has often failed to teach young men the importance of self care.
Men and boys often feel pressure to be confident and resilient, strong and silent. But silence has the power to isolate us making it difficult to relate to those around us. Opening up can seem daunting but speaking to others about feelings associated with BDD can help to lift the weight and lessen the pressure of those feelings.
Reflecting on his experiences growing up, Shadhin* says, “I guess if men had the opportunity to talk about how they feel about their bodies without others chiming in to say ‘that’s not that how things are’, they would feel more listened to and see that they aren’t the only ones who face these issues.”
Making time to care for your body, speaking with friends, family, a counsellor or therapist and focusing on food and exercise as acts of love and enjoyment are all positive actions that can help to soothe the sources and symptoms of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. As can taking breaks from social media, practicing mindfulness, blocking accounts that make you feel unhappy and following and engaging with people who make you feel like the best version of yourself.
You don’t have to be utterly in love with your body – even the celebrities you admire on Instagram feel insecure about their looks – but accepting it, liking it, being able to experience life without obsessing over it or bullying yourself about it, that’s a must.
*names have been changed to protect the identities of interviewees.
