I’m in Tier 4, baby groups are closed, coffee shops are closed, we can’t see family or friends and their babies, and therefore life is pretty boring right now (as it is for everyone, in order to stay safe).
And there’s nothing I can do about that.
But still, every single day, I feel like I’m failing as a mother.
I look at my son and I feel awful for him that he’s missing out on so much. There are only so many walks you can take until the scenery becomes old and boring, and more stimulation is needed. There are only so many Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse episodes he can watch while in his bouncy chair. There are only so many times he can crawl around his play room without us spending money on new toys every week.
I’m a working mother, and I’m lucky that my partner is home to help with childcare. I know that I am lucky, and I know that these complaints are trivial compared to what others are going through right now. It’s not the things above that I’m sad about, more so that I feel I that despite it being totally out of my control, I am not being a good enough mum.
Everything he is missing out on, I seem to make my fault. I wish so much for him. I wish he was able to explore and adventure and play with other babies his own age. I wish I could take him to baby groups and help him to socialise. I wish I could take him to farms and adventure parks to stimulate him. I wish I could take him to see his granny every week, to spend some quality time with her and to continue their bond.
I know that I am not alone in how I am feeling. I guess I am lucky in that my son is nine months old, so he doesn’t really understand nor know any different. So he seems content and happy (albeit slightly bored). I feel sad for the mothers with older children who are really seeing a difference in how their kids are acting. I feel bad for those who are struggling to homeschool their children with the copious amounts of work they are being given, while trying to hold down a household and for many, work.
But what I am slowly learning – and it’s going to take me some time, because as many will know, mum-guilt is a real, chronic and horrible thing – is that none of this is our fault. And we’re doing the best we can.
I’m learning that it’s time we stopped punishing ourselves and blaming ourselves for what is happening in the world when it comes to impacting our children. Because there is nothing we can do about it, bar keeping them safe and following safety regulations.
All we can do is try to maintain our childrens’ happiness in whatever way we can.
At the moment, life is very different. Having to work from home is hard with kids in the house, especially when trying to keep them entertained and/or educated.
Just yesterday I was on the phone to someone for work, apologising for the fact my son was making his lovely noises in the background (trying not to giggle). They responded to tell me it was okay, they too had their children at home and were struggling to keep up with everything. It made me remember that this is life for everyone, not just me. We don’t need to apologise for normal, life things – life isn’t normal right now. In all the bad, it’s a comfort as a mum to know I am not alone in trying to juggle parenting and earning a living and keeping the house tidy.
I don’t mean this to sound tone-deaf and I’m able to read the room – we are all struggling right now and this may seem trivial to some.
But I guess what I want to do is let other mums know that they are not alone. And that it’s okay to be overwhelmed and trying to juggle a million things at once. You’re not doing anything wrong. As long as you are doing the best for you and your child(ren), that is all we can do right now.
The truth is, none of us know how to get it ‘right’ right now. Things are so different and we’re all learning. And it’s okay to take a break.
It’s okay to put your baby in his bouncy chair in front of Chip and Potato (my son’s favourite) while you try to get the dishes done or have a phone call. It’s okay to not go for a walk every single day. And it’s okay not to get every piece of homeschooling work done. You are human We are human. We are not superheroes.
As mothers – and parents in general – it’s time we stopped blaming ourselves and started to cut ourselves some slack. We are doing a good job. We are doing our job.
We are all in this together, just trying to get by the best we know how.
So parents: Give yourself a break, and remember that you are only human. And you deserve to stop torturing yourself with blame and guilt.
I know that there will be times where I continue to blame myself and feel like I’m not doing enough, despite the fact I am, but I’m going to try to be kinder to myself and realise that I am being a mum. My child is safe and warm and loved.
And right now, that is all that matters.
