It’s been 10 months since I went into isolation to shield from the Covid-19 pandemic. My cystic fibrosis places me into the clinically extremely vulnerable category.
Cystic fibrosis is a life threatening, chronic condition, causing passageways in my lungs and digestive system to become blocked with thick, sticky secretions, over time leading to fatal lung damage.
Despite the pause between the government advised shielding measures, I choose to continue as Covid-19 poses a serious risk to my already damaged lungs.
CF is a physical disability; however, I also suffer from a number of mental health problems including OCD, PTSD and anxiety so having to stay away from those I love and be inside all the time felt very daunting at first.
I was worried about my friends and family getting sick, I got anxiety about touching anything that came into the house and I felt so sad and low.
But after the first few months, I started to get used to this new way of living. And whilst I miss things from life before, I have been able to prioritise my mental health for the first time.
As we start another lockdown there have been a lot of conversations surrounding productivity. That this is the perfect time to start those projects we have always wanted to, learn a language or reach certain career goals.
And while this may be beneficial for some; having routine and structure can be reassuring.
It can also be overwhelming. Especially for those with mental health problems.
I know I have personally found myself feeling guilty for not waking up in time for those 9am live streamed work oust. Or for not planning my day with projects and scheduled work.
But I am proud of myself for putting my health first. Taking these steps to help my mental health is the most important thing I could have done this year.
Therapy
I have had OCD since I was seven but only found the confidence to tell my psychologist this year. It was such a huge relief and I honestly felt that a weight had been lifted from my mind.
Since being open and candid about having OCD I have stopped feeling embarrassed and ashamed about it.
Therapy is something I feel very lucky to have access to through my cystic fibrosis team. I know that the NHS is severely underfunded so wait times are extreme long and not everyone can afford to pay for therapy.
But if you can access some form of therapy, even if it’s online services, I would highly recommend looking into it.
Medication
I was advised to start antidepressants in summer 2019, I was too scared to start and wasn’t sure how it would impact my anxiety, so I kept avoiding it. Then in summer 2020 I decided I had enough. And I started medication.
I didn’t get any of the side effects I feared and it has really helped me manage my mental health, alongside therapy.
Journaling
I was very sceptical about this at the start. But I find putting my thoughts down on paper helpful in getting them out of my head. It also helps me to critically look at what I am worrying about and keep track of it.
I use journaling prompts to help direct what I am writing about. These can focus on both positive and negative aspects of life and can be very therapeutic.
Self-care
I was also able to make time for myself, to do things I enjoy, such as cooking, reading and boxing. I realised what matters to me and what I value in my life.
I take my alone time to check in with myself and really see how I am feeling. At the start I was scared about the future and exhausted from the repetitive nature of everyday life.
So, now I try to vary my day with little tasks and focus on things that make me feel happy and safe – such as my favourite tv shows and films.
I also make sure I get some form of fresh air every day, even if it is just opening a window. Getting fresh air into the room really helps to change my mood and makes me feel more positive about the day.
Remember to celebrate the small wins
If you are reading this and have been struggling with feelings of guilt, please don’t. Do whatever it is you have to do to get through this time, take care of yourself and do not compare yourself to others. You are amazing for getting to where you are today.
