When it comes to talking about our mental health, more and more people are turning to the internet to open up. Author and advocate Rebecca Lombardo’s #KeepTalkingMH has over 23.8k posts on Instagram and topics relating to our mental health often find themselves onto the trending pages on Twitter and YouTube.
With so many conversations happening online, I was surprised to learn that many people are still afraid to speak up in their offline social circles. Mental illness is common, but the social stigma attached to it can often stop people speaking up and this can actually make it harder for people to recover.
In this article, six people open up to me about why they find it so difficult to break the silence and what holds them back from opening up more to the people in their lives.
Please remember talking about mental illness can be a helpful part of your recovery and it can be a good opportunity for others to open up too. Try to envision a positive outcome to the conversation and the mutual support it could bring.
‘Being judged’
There is still a fear that opening up about your mental illness will lead to judgement. That you will be perceived in a negative way, or as though someone finding out that you struggle with mental illness will change the way they look at you. People may choose not to speak out about their mental health issues because they don’t want to be judged on their illness – but this also means keeping everything you are dealing with inside, which isn’t healthy.
‘People questioning or doubting my competency, intelligence or capabilities’
A person with mental illness may worry that opening up about what they’re going through will lead people to thinking they aren’t capable of certain tasks – such as in a work environment. They may panic about telling their employer about their illness, because they don’t want their intelligence or competency to be undermined due to it.
But it’s important to add that suffering with a mental illness doesn’t make you any less intelligent, capable or competent.
‘Being abandoned’
This is a big fear for people with mental illness – especially in disorders such as borderline personality disorder. For many, those suffering feel as though their illness is a burden, and they worry opening up about it will push people away and leave them feeling more alone than they already are. But the truth is, if there is a person in your life who doesn’t want to understand or support you, they are not worthy of a place in your life.
‘Being given unsolicited advice’
Sometimes people don’t speak out just because they can’t be bothered to be told the same thing over and over again by people with no experience of mental illness. ‘Have you tried yoga?’ ‘You should eat better’. ‘Just think positive thoughts!’.
This might work for some, but it won’t work for everyone. Perhaps more people would be inclined to speak out if they knew for sure they weren’t going to be met with this unhelpful unsolicited advice.
‘Not being believed’
Sadly, this doesn’t just go for other regular people. This goes for doctors, too. For years people can go misdiagnosed due to professionals not believing them – blaming it on hormones or difficult life circumstances when there is illness beneath the surface. This also goes for family and friends – it’s disheartening to hear ‘people have it much worse’ or ‘just get over it’.
‘Being triggered by probing questions’
Some may fear speaking out because they don’t want to go into full detail about their illness, but they do want to talk about some of it. It’s difficult to tell someone you have PTSD, and it’s even more difficult and personal to tell them why you have it. So please, if someone is brave enough to open up to you about their illness, allow them to talk about it all in their own time, and don’t ask probing questions. Trust takes time, so please respect that.
Clearly, we have some way to go before everyone feels they can safely speak up about their mental health, without discrimination.
If someone in your life opens up about their mental health to you, please encourage them by offering a judgment free safe space to open up. Don’t belittle their worries and try not to jump to conclusions about their wellbeing. If you’re concerned about someone you know, Mind Charity has some helpful guides to help you support your loved ones.