You’re in bed for the fourth night that week crying, because there’s been another fight.
This time they told you you were crazy because you asked them if something was wrong. They seemed distant – something you’re used to – but you were just being nice. You were just concerned.
But instead, you were told that you ask too many questions, that you need to get off their back.
You stop asking.
You lay there thinking about how you should have phrased things differently, making notes for what you won’t say next time. Making notes on how you can change things.
You know deep down it’s not you, but you’re tired. You hope things will change soon. At least, sort of soon. But you know they won’t. You think maybe it’s you that needs to change; but it isn’t.
Stop begging that they will change.
Stop begging they will change when it’s 12am and they told you they were coming home at 10pm but they never showed, and then came home the next afternoon as if it was okay to leave you worried, unable to sleep.
Stop begging they will change when they no longer look at you the same. When you notice they are now looking at other people.
Stop begging they will change when they’d rather sit on their phone all night, scrolling through Instagram feeds of other people, instead of spending time with you.
Stop begging they will change when you’re in bed at night and they’re on the sofa; when this becomes routine; when intimacy is long gone.
Because, the relationship is long gone. If you’re living like this, this isn’t a relationship. And they won’t change.
Maybe some people do change. Maybe there are exceptions. Maybe they’ve even told you they will change (multiple times).
But if you’ve been with someone long enough to the point something has become habit – not even a habit, but a preference – then there isn’t any hope for change.
And you shouldn’t be with someone that you long to change.
Nobody is perfect, but if you are with someone who doesn’t make you happy, who manipulates you into thinking you’re paranoid or insecure when you know something is up, who makes you feel bad about yourself and your body, who makes you feel like you don’t matter – who makes you feel alone; you shouldn’t be waiting for a change that will never happen. Because you deserve so much more.
You deserve someone who lights up when you walk in the room.
You deserve someone who would rather spend their evenings chatting over wine, or cuddled up on the sofa watching a movie, than sitting in separate rooms on your phones, absorbed in other peoples’ lives.
You deserve someone who bigs you up. Who is your biggest fan.
You deserve someone who will listen to your worries and your troubles, and who will share theirs with you, too.
You deserve someone who makes you feel like you matter. Who doesn’t make you feel lonely.
Being lonely in a place where you’re not meant to be alone is the loneliest of all.
Please, see your worth. Please, see your strength. Please, see that you deserve so much more than this.
Please see that you are capable of being alone. That you will be happier alone than with someone who makes you feel like you’re never a priority.
You are so deserving of being loved and appreciated, who makes you feel adored and wanted.
Please don’t waste any more time with someone who brings you down, who makes you feel insignificant, who makes you feel like you don’t matter. And who makes you feel like that that is all you are worthy of.
Stop hoping that they will change, and make the change yourself – leave.
I promise you, that you can do this. I promise you, that it gets better. I promise you, that no matter how scary it may seem to leave someone who has been your life for so long, that the world is a big place, and it is so, so ready for you.
You just need to be brave.
