With Valentine’s just a couple of days ago, love has definitely been in the air. It’s a holiday that brings out the extra in everyone, with expectations of roses, chocolates and over the top dates. Perhaps pop culture is somewhat to blame for that as well. We grow up reading, watching and hearing about these expectations in relationships and all these over the top examples of what a relationship should be.
But not every example young people grow up with is that of a healthy relationship. Which is why we wanted to share our favourite recommendations for books that depict relationships in a healthy way, and we got you to weigh in as well.
Here are our top picks.
Fangirl – Rainbow Rowell
Fangirl is a classic YA read – but better. Through Cath’s love for the Simon Snow series, the book explores a variety of relationships. Cath and Wren’s sisterly bond as they grow into individual people is so important. But I think what really helped this book be a part of this list was its raw portrayal of Cath dealing with her anxiety and her fear of leaving her comfort all while navigating her budding relationship with Levi. She’s not your classic rom com heroine but that’s what makes her journey so important.
A Court of Mist and Fury – Sarah J Maas
This is one of my favourite books to date and though it’s the second book in the series (and sequels are notoriously known for being garbage), it’s the best one. We see the start of a toxic, abusive and unhealthy relationship at the start and the impact this has on Feyre. As the story moves on, it changes and she leaves — the relationship starts with her healing and a blossoming friendship turning into something more. This relationship teaches her that who she is more than enough. She’s given the freedom to be fiercely strong, powerful and brave — she’s given room to grow and change, and through this friendship and love, she heals. This relationship speaks volumes about what counts as a healthy relationship. I love it so much — it broke my heart and mended it. – Sumaiya
Everyday – David Levithan
Everyday follows a spirit – A – who inhabits a new body every day and on one of her days, meets and falls in love with Rhiannon. While the relationship they have is in no way conventional, it’s really important to point out that since A never announces their gender or sexuality, the book explores a romance that goes beyond the idea of cishet relationships that are most commonly depicted in pop culture.
Where Rainbows End – Cecilia Ahern
I may be biased in putting this book in there because of how much I loved it. But it’s a beautiful story of friendship that turns into love. Sam and Rosie are childhood best friends, and when Sam moves to Boston and the two navigate the complexities of young romance and long distance friendships all through a series of emails that make up the majority of the book. Despite time and the world around them getting in the way, they continue to come back to each other. Age, distance, and societal approval all fall to the wayside when Sam and Rosie connect and that’s what I love so much about this.
The Course Of Love – Alain De Botton
It’s not a ‘romantic’ book. It’s a very perceptive book about how real relationships grow and develop and evolve over time and focuses on the individual needs of being in a relationship rather than the collective fairytale of it all.
It’s very humorous and I found myself relating to a lot of the book whilst feeling very hopeful that I’m not odd for striving to have individualist needs in a relationship. – Inge Hunter
The Feast Of Love – Charles Baxter
A Goodreads review describes Baxter’s book as “A cavalcade of delightfully and pitifully fumbling relationships”. Through a series of various relationships at different stages in their lives, TFOL has everything from romance, parental relationships and daily struggles all brought together to tell readers that love is always there, in the everyday. It helps that there’s different characters to follow and a variety of storylines which allow readers to see Baxter’s portrayal of relationships from various different perspectives.
All About Love – Bell Hooks
The feminist, academia obsessed nerd in me could not have completed this list without bell hooks. Hooks writes about how love is a healer of wounds, if we go about it the write way that is. Whether it’s your relationship with yourself, what it means to give and receive love, or even love and relationships on a community level, this book is everything you need to understand this complicated feeling that gets the best of us.
All Your Perfects — Colleen Hoover
This book was a gift from my boyfriend for my birthday and I think I read it in one sitting a few days later. At the start, it’s a flashback to the early days before Graham and Quinn. It’s a book about their damaged relationship, only being held together by a promise they made in the past. Their relationship isn’t perfect and there’s a severe lack of communication in the present, but as we flit back and forth, we see how healthy it used to be and come to realise why it’s become imperfect and damaged. They’ve built up a lot of stuff they’re holding in, instead of talking, but then slowly, the walls come down and we see the love they have for each other and how hard they’re willing to fight for one another. One line that struck me the most was “Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. No marriage is perfect. There were times when she gave up on us. There were even more times when I gave up on us. The secret to our longevity is that we never gave up at the same time.” This book also is the most realistic I’ve come across, when it comes to relationships as a married couple and the struggles they face. – Sumaiya
There’s a range of books here for all ages, because no matter how old we are, we could always use a reminder of the kind of love we deserve in our lives. It’s so important that we surround ourselves with people and stories who continue to give us that reminder every day.