Once upon a time, we wrote Valentine’s to our crushes in secret and spent hours agonising over whether our love would be requited and we’d get one back.
Now, physical cards play second fiddle to the much more public and ultimate virtual form of affection: the social media post.
Whilst we love our “Happy Birthday to this one” celebrations and #mcm or #wcw posts, no occasion brings more pressure to post about our loved one than Valentine’s Day.
On February 14th, if Instagram is to be believed, love really is all around. Our feeds become inundated with bouquets, loved-up couple selfies and countless dedications to “someone special”. I suspect that this year, with so many unable to be together during lockdown, the digital love-fest will be even greater, as we grasp for whatever we can to feel connected whilst apart.
But it’s not for everyone. Lots of people, understandably, want to keep their real lives, relationships included, separate from their online ones.
For those of us who choose to post – myself included – it’s often a more complicated routine than you think, with a set of unwritten rules and etiquettes. It’s rarely, if ever, just as simple as pressing ‘post’.
Timing is crucial, as many in blossoming relationships might feel the pressure to join in with V Day dedications but worry that they’re not yet at that “stage” yet with their partner.
Alternatively, if the relationship is breaking down, or you’re newly separated, will people suspect if you don’t join in?
How about for those who want nothing more than to share their loved one with the world, but can’t for fear of the repercussions?
It’s possible that you could argue that the importance of the Valentines Post is being overinflated here – that it’s simply not that deep and social media really doesn’t matter anyway. But it’s undeniable that social media changes our behaviour IRL, and how we view our own lives in comparison to the lives of others.
Sex and behavioural therapist Chamin Ajjan, M.S., LCSW, A-CBT explains that we may begin to feel jealous of how much someone posts about their partner and feel resentment toward your partner for not doing the same.
A quick Twitter poll showed that 85% of people wouldn’t be bothered, but 15% admitted to feeling a little bit annoyed if they weren’t shown off on socials.
Whilst it’s hard to pinpoint why it’s so important to some of us, we are so just so used to sharing what’s important to us in all aspects of our lives – from the friends we miss to the books we’ve been reading – that naturally our relationships will fall into that category.
But whatever your stance is on the Valentine’s Day post, the reality is that nobody should feel sadder on this one day because of the pressure. Showing love to yourself and the people close to you can be done any day, and any way – whether the world sees it or not.
