Many of us with anxiety worry that our friends don’t actually like us. 99.9% of the time that’s not true – but there are some ‘friends’ out there who you, perhaps, need to think about cutting ties with. And lockdown is a great opportunity to do so.
We’re not saying cut off the friend who can’t make a zoom call, but if there’s someone in your life constantly making you feel small, excluded, and downright horrible, they most definitely shouldn’t be in your support bubble.
Life Coach Carole Anne Rice has a few tips for us on the kinds of traits to look out for in a bad friend.
If they’re excluding you from everything, it might be time to call it quits
Carole says: ‘You’re thumbing through Instagram and you see it; your pals are all hanging out at that café a few blocks from your place….without you. Do they have a group chat without you to organise this? Then here come the questions. When your friends start to “accidentally” hang out without you, this may be a red flag that they don’t like you, nor do they respect you enough to be transparent and tell you why.
Do they belittle you all the time? That’s not okay
‘Although joking about and laughing is a healthy part of any friendship, if they make you the butt of the jokes constantly and belittle you, it’s a bad sign. These things are sure to slowly wear you down and make you feel badly about yourself when you don’t deserve it. So, buff up your boundaries. The more you respect yourself, the more others will.’
If they’re never interested in what you have to say – what is there to talk about?
‘They don’t care about you or are not interested in what you have to say, they’re only interested in off-loading their own problems onto you. If they don’t ask you anything about yourself, it shows that they’re only using you as a way to blow off steam or vent to. A relationship is meant to be a two-way street and if they refuse to listen when you want to talk – it isn’t healthy.’
Stop apologising to them for their mistakes
‘They upset you and don’t apologise for it. They make snarky comments and rock up late to your lunches, all without every as much as a “sorry”. If these apply to you, it’s time to consider just how much your friend(s) respect you as not only a friend, but a person.’
If they won’t allow you to change, it’s time to take back control
‘Your success is equally as important as you are and is a big part of what makes you special. If a friend is preventing you from being a better person, chances are your friendship is toxic. If they’re not happy for you success, or do everything they seemingly can to dampen it, it’s a sign their own insecurities and envy are corrupting the friendship.’
Of course, if this is a friendship you value, it’s always a good idea to sit down and explain how you feel. Ultimately, it is your choice as to whether you remain friends, distance yourself or cut them off completely.
Your happiness is in your hands, and toxicity shouldn’t have a place in your life.
