It’s 1am, you’re rolling over to each side of your body in bed, in an attempt to get comfortable, but your brain won’t switch off.
You’re scrolling through your social media profiles, trying to drift off but instead, keeping yourself awake.
If it’s been a bad day; if you’re feeling severely anxious; if you’re currently going through a bad period of mental illness, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel all of these confusing feelings, that no matter how hard you try, you can’t completely make sense of.
It’s okay to feel angry at the world; like it’s failing you. Maybe the world is failing you.
It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to let all of the emotions you’re struggling to keep inside out. Crying doesn’t make you weak.
But also, not crying or letting your emotions out doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. But it can be freeing to let go of your feelings through your tears, even if crying in the moment isn’t niee.
I’m not completely sure what I’m getting at here, but as I write this at 12am, awake after falling asleep quite early, I think back to all of those times I was up in bed at 2am struggling to shut off because there was too much going through my head. But at the same time, nothing was going through my head. It was almost like a chaotic rush of emptiness; so much pushed back to the back of my mind that my brain could no longer make sense of it.
I wanted to write something that would have helped myself at this point.
If the silence is overwhelming you, or the flashes of your TV against your ceiling are keeping you awake, but you can’t face the quiet, try to listen to some calming music or a fall-asleep podcast. Switch your phone to its lock-screen so that the light doesn’t wake you up.
Turn your phone off and let your mind settle away from the tweets and the Instagram posts that have you comparing your life to a lack of reality.
Take some deep breaths. Five of them. In and out. Do it slowly and try to let your mind focus on your breathing for those short moments.
It’s difficult to switch off from the thoughts; and breathing isn’t going to take away the impact your mental health is having on your life, but even if it helps you to escape for five minutes, allow yourself that time. Allocate it. You deserve a moment to feel free.
And remember this: No matter how hard life gets, no matter how strong the thoughts get, no matter how suffocating the emotions feel: You deserve happiness. You deserve to wake up in the morning wanting to be here. You deserve to wake up and feel like it’s okay to get out of bed and to open the curtains – even if that’s all you do for the day. You deserve love and kindness, and to know that how you feel is valid. That you are worthy and strong. And you might not believe that, but I promise you, you are.
This year has been one of the most difficult in our lifetime, but you are still here.
So please, give yourself a break. You are doing what you need to do to get by. And that is the best thing you can do right now. It’s what we’re all doing to get through this horrendous year.
Don’t compare your life to other peoples’. What you see on social media isn’t complete reality. We all have our own thoughts and feelings and experiences; most that aren’t shown online.
Let yourself let go of past mistakes or memories that make you cringe. They’re done. They do not define who you are now.
That was always one of the hardest things for me: up at night unable to let go of things that I couldn’t change, trying to work out everything I would have – or could have, done differently.
But the fact we cannot change these things is what we need to focus on – don’t waste your energy on things that you cannot. Focus on the things you can. Focus on you.
You’re probably laying there thinking that none of this applies to you, because I don’t know you: But I write this for anyone who like me, was up most nights in my own personal hell.
Don’t force yourself to sleep. Don’t put that pressure on yourself. Just try to find ways that make you feel comforted.
Try to help yourself escape, whether that’s reading a book or having a good cry.
You have come through so much already, and though some days are harder than ever, you have got through bad days before, and you can get through them again. I know it.
My favourite quote is: ‘This too shall pass’. It’s something I try to remember every time I find myself in a bad way.
I hope it’s something that you can try to remember, too.
