Many of us have heard of the term Stockholm Syndrome, which is a psychological condition that is popularly associated with high profile kidnappings and being held hostage. In reality, it is a response to trauma that can occur in a variety of similar situations that causes victims to bond and sympathise with their captors or abusers.
Stockholm Syndrome is commonly talked about in situations where victims are held physically captive, but that’s not always the case.
Stockholm Syndrome actually stems from a kind of relationship called trauma-bonding, that occurs between the abuser and victim. A trauma-bonding relationship is one where the victims feel unable to leave a relationship with their abuser because they feel a strong emotional connection to them. In cases of trauma-bonding, it is not uncommon for victims to feel addicted to their abusers and their relationship with them, making it so that they find themselves emotionally unable to find reasons to leave the relationship, or find reasons to come back. While trauma-bonding isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships, the existence of romance in such scenarios can make it harder to identify.
So how can you identify where and when trauma-bonding has occurred?
Some Common Signs include:
Walking On Eggshells
One of the major impacts forming a trauma bond can have on victims is the fear of upsetting their abusers. Fear and stress are two major players in creating the bond itself. Trauma-bonding relationships take place due to the natural stress response your body has. Even when victims recognise they are being hurt in the process, the fear of upsetting their abusers makes them stay
Going Out Of Their Way To Protect Their Abusers
In cases of trauma-bonding relationships, victims may be blind to many of the negative impacts of the relationships that friends and family can see. They will go out of their way to protect their abusers despite warnings, and that need for protection can also lead to them cutting off other relationships as they become more dependent on the need to keep this one ‘perfect’.
A Need To Constantly Keep Their Abuser Happy
Despite being hurt by their abusers, victims of trauma-bonding will feel a constant need to keep their abusers happy. This can often also mean hiding their own emotions. Their focus is so solely on the happiness of their abuser that they can often completely ignore the damage being done to their own self in the mean time.
Feeling Addicted To The Relationship
This is a part of trauma-bonding that isn’t often understood. When trauma-bonding occurs, victims develop an addiction to their relationship that is not just psychological, but biochemical and physiological as well.
“More recent research shows that the bonding actually occurs because we can become addicted to the hormonal and emotional roller coaster our abuser has put us on,” said Kati Morton, LMFT, licensed therapist and author of Are u ok?: A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health.
Victims often begin to crave the ups and downs of the stress that comes with being in the relationship. Attempting to leave can often bring about feelings of doom, and feeling like their life may end if the relationship does.
The mix of psychological and psychological factors that impact victims of trauma-bonding mean that victims are left struggling with the after effects long after the relationship is over.
People struggling with abuse, or childhood trauma are more susceptible to trauma-bonding, as are those in vulnerable situations. Licensed psychologist Dr. Liz Powell. PsyD. believes that the impact of the pandemic, which has left many feeling more vulnerable than before may increase the likelihood for many people to fall victim to trauma-bonding.
Getting help is vital for many victims who may suffer from residual trauma for years after the trauma bond breaks, possibly even a lifetime.
Separation from the abuser is key to breaking the bond, but can create increased feelings of isolation and loneliness that can cause victims to return to their abusers even if they have initially chosen to leave.
Trauma bonds can take over a victim’s whole life, both emotionally and physically, and it’s important to understand, most of all, that everyone recovers at their own pace.
Helplines that could help victims of trauma-bonding:
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
Women’s Aid has a free online chat service (click here).
Victim Support has multiple ways to contact them (click link).
Please don’t suffer in silence.
