For those who have grown up with social media, a personal account can feel like an extension of self. But have the likes of Instagram, Twitter, TikTok and YouTube had a positive or negative impact on our mental health and sense of identity?
Referring to our networks as groups of ‘friends’, ‘fans’ and ‘followers’ was a careful decision made by the creators of social networks, intended to affirm the sense of community and belonging we feel when among real friends, admirers and like minded people. By equating our digital networks with real-life societal benchmarks of popularity and social gravitas, social networks were able to ascribe value to having a greater number of followers, and therefore, convince users to work harder at growing their networks, which meant more time on sites and apps.
How is our social media following linked to self esteem?
So what does this do for our self esteem? “Young people have never had a greater platform to get their voices heard. For some that is especially empowering.” says Humanistic Integrative Counsellor, Michelle Ruth PG.Dip (MBACP). “There are also many positives to be had from having your experiences validated by others, either by seeing or connecting with people who you identify with. All of these things can create a deeper sense of self.
However, there are downsides too. It can create a dependence on the need to feel validated, which can lead to a poorer sense of self and greater insecurities. Overall, I’d say it’s quite a mixed picture. Some elements are brilliant for young people – it can be a confidence builder and can improve their understanding of who they are in the world, but it should be done so with caution as the negatives can have a lasting impact.”
What are the effects of equating self-worth with follower count?
We all know that social media can be an addictive tool. It’s gamified functions light up the reward signals in our brain and this is just as much the case when we receive a new follower, as when a post receives a lot of likes or comments. That spike in dopamine makes the acquisition of new followers and digital friends an enjoyable experience that can become incredibly moreish. And this isn’t just the case for young people. Social media has been created with the aim of mass appeal and therefore, those feelings of joy and validation are just as effective across any demographic.
Our experience of growing up in hierarchical societies where having many friends or followers signals to others that one is a good leader, someone to admire, someone to be trusted and someone that leads by example, also affects our desire to up our follower count on social media. A large network of followers lends us a sense of authority, popularity and confirms our legitimacy. If a brand, celebrity or influencer has millions of followers, we’re more likely to think they’re interesting, attractive, credible and worth following.
“Broadly speaking, there can be risks associated with using any external measure of success or validation to confirm our worth.” says Chartered Counselling Psychologist, Dr Rachel M Allan. “Being able to base our self-worth on how we see ourselves, rather than how we are seen and evaluated by others, can be an important factor in maintaining our mental health.”
Performance anxiety can be crushing
Of course, if we have lots of social media followers and this validates us and makes us feel good, there exists an opposing emotional response – the anxiety and depression associated with feeling unpopular, unlikeable, lonely and isolated online. We’re always told we’ll ‘find our people’ eventually, that communities who’ll love us for who we are exist, we just have to find them and everything will fall into place. But what happens when that isn’t our reality on social media?
According to Michelle Ruth, “Our relationship with social media can be further complicated if people start to develop anxiety about how their content ‘performs’ – this can be seen as a version of performance anxiety. There is also a risk of people not feeling as satisfied with real-life interactions in the same way as they do online, which can contribute to feelings of loneliness and even depression. This can contribute to an absence of in-person social skills that will make people emotionally-robust adults.”
If we’re unable to experience the positive mental health effects of community offline and then unable to experience them online, the need to be appreciated on social media platforms can become an obsession for some. Feelings of worthlessness and loneliness have been particularly prevalent during the pandemic, especially for those who don’t feel at home on social media and don’t have lots of followers and friends or access to large networks of like minded people.
How can I seperate my sense of self worth from my online popularity?
Despite your social accounts feeling like a projection or extension of the real you, it’s important to remember that they are not. Social media is a tool, a conduit for communication and connecting people, but it’s not a barometer for worth or an accurate representation of real relationships. There are plenty of things you can do to remind yourself of this and to distance yourself from negative feelings about your online presence.
“Limit your screen time. Some phones allow you to put time limits on screen time in general, or particular apps. I think it is also helpful to unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself and follow ones that have the opposite effect, so that when you’re scrolling, you’re absorbing content that boosts you rather than depletes you.” says Michelle Ruth.
“For those that feel able to, I’d also suggest deleting social media apps or taking a few weeks off at a time. Having breaks away from the noise of social media can really help us clear our heads and give our minds a rest from the content that can often be quite draining. A break can change our relationship with them and subsequent patterns of behaviour. I would ask yourself regularly ‘does this account / content help or hinder me?’ to try and establish your personal boundaries with your social media activity. Of course, if you’re experiencing any kind of abuse or seeing anything inappropriate, it needs to be reported.”
Check in with yourself and take control of your channels
The most vital thing to remember when using social media is that you are using it, it shouldn’t be using you. You have the power to follow and unfollow, to open or close an app, and engage or not engage with other accounts. You are not responsible for how other people choose to use their accounts, who they follow or what they post. A lot of the way we conduct ourselves on social media involves mimicking influencers and ‘playing to the crowd’ but you can very easily exhaust yourself by trying to control how others perceive you and how they engage with you online.
“Like most things in life, the key is often to find a balance.” says Dr Rachel M Allan. “If social media has become the main source from which someone draws positive feedback, esteem, or a sense of connection, then it would be important to notice that, and to consider how to increase other sources of these things, outside of social media.
If certain accounts bring up negative feelings, or suck you into a spiral of comparison, and feeling bad about yourself, you have a choice about whether you continue to see that or not. Always remember that social media portrays a very limited view of people’s real lives. I would recommend taking control of your timeline and reducing comparison.”
