Feeling anxious about Valentine’s Day is probably one of the most normal reactions you can have. Without even considering this year’s shared trauma of a global pandemic, all you have to do is peer into the origins of Saint Valentine to see a grisly history that has been repurposed into a commercialised modern-day occasion.
Speaking to counsellors, therapists, medical doctors and other anxiety experts, I discover ways to make today a day to love and honour ourselves, our relationships (romantic, familial or friendly) and our individualities, rather than focussing on the imperfections that ultimately make us human.
Shift (And Share) Your Mindset
“Whenever a thought pops into your head, put it into perspective.” psychiatrist Dr Raheel says. The truth is, whether you celebrate it or not, your anxieties and pressure around Valentine’s Day will only be around for one day. “Tell yourself that the anxious thoughts won’t happen, and also tell others how you are feeling.”
Take this day for you. Go on a walk, alone or with someone and bring awareness to your self wellness.
Dr Raheel Karim is a Consultant Psychiatrist & member of the Royal College of Psychiatrists with over 34 years of experience in psychiatry, specialising in mental health for adults of all ages and currently working with the NHS Foundation Trust.
Slow Your Breathing
Instead of getting swept up in the snowball of anxiety, Nahid recommends focussing on the physical sensations of it in the body, and breathing it out.
“Breathing in and out through your nose for six slow counts in… and six slow counts out… reduces the effects of stress and anxiety rapidly.
“Try lying on the floor when you feel anxious. Sensing external surfaces gives us a sense of our own boundaries. Anxiety takes on an amorphous shape in our minds, and rooting, grounding and feeling what is real, in this moment, helps to reduce the effect of the anxiety and starts to build in strategies for the next time it happens.”
Nahid de Belgeonne is a Somatic Movement coach and yoga teacher at The Life Centre teaching how to balance the nervous system for better sleep and wellbeing. Clients include, celebrities and athletes, right through to those with chronic stress and anxiety or those recovering from injury and illness.
Fix The Facts
Valentine’s Day can be made harder due to conditions outside of our control other than anxiety itself, such as social anxiety disorder and even seasonal affective disorder, which is linked to lower levels of Vitamin D at this time of the year.
Dr. Lee suggests countering these physical manifestations with physical solutions.
Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet full of antioxidants – these are essential for molecules which counteract metabolic stress and keep us in good health. They are found in large quantities in fresh fruit and vegetables.
Sleep. Adults are recommended 7-9 hours per night. Make sure you have a regular bedtime routine and a dark, comfortable bedroom – kept cool and fresh.
Exercise. Try and get 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise in on Valentine’s Day. This can be any exercise, including brisk walking – that is walking fast enough to make you slightly out of breath. You can do this as 3 x 10 -minute walks if you prefer. There are so many benefits for exercise – it just takes a little peeling off the sofa to get active… And it doesn’t require an expensive gym!
Dr Deborah Lee of Dr Fox Online Pharmacy is a doctor with over 30 years’ experience seeing NHS patients suffering from anxiety, both as a GP and in Sexual Health clinics.
Thank Your Body
Professor Paul Crawford reminded me that anxiety has roots in our primitive survival mechanisms, and we can work with, rather than against these instincts.
“When I feel anxious, I thank the feeling from my body and thoughts from my mind rather than fighting them. ‘Thank you for letting me know something that is bothering me, I say.’
Treat yourself to a ‘worry zone’ at the start of Valentine’s Day, where you go through and challenge anxious thoughts, problem solve, and steel yourself to face challenges rather than avoiding them. Chat through your resolution with someone you trust, you can spend the rest of the day outside the zone – taking time to reduce tension by relaxing with mindfulness and breathing exercises.”
Paul Crawford is Professor of Health Humanities & Director of the Centre for Social Futures at the Institute of Mental Health, The University of Nottingham, specialised in enhancing wellbeing through arts and humanities and supporting young people’s mental health literacy with the What’s Up With Everyone? campaign.
Tap It Out
“Release anxiety about Valentine’s Day by tapping. Literally. On your body. You can tap on a few energy meridian points to calm the emotions that contribute to anxiety.
Start with the fleshy side of your hand, between the little finger and the wrist helping soothe feelings like vulnerability & desire for control and finding courage and acceptance. Use the pads of the fingers on the other hand to lightly tap at least 7 times (and keep repeating regularly) to start activating your own natural energy to restore equilibrium. Move onto the collarbone, and repeat.
You may need to keep tapping to work through the layers of emotions that may have built up over a period of time. Tapping is completely safe, and you can do it any time, it can release negative energy surrounding many issues and emotions, which is why it’s called Emotional Freedom.”
Lana Walker is an experienced Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) practitioner who has helped hundreds of clients to identify and safely let go of the anxiety, sadness or loss in their lives, through empowering self-worth and contentment.
Final Thoughts
It’s true, Valentine’s Day is not always a bed of roses, but just like flowers, it won’t last forever. There are so many methods I’ll be trying this weekend, so if you see me lying on the floor, breathing, tapping and counting to six, you’ll know I’m coping with Cupid just fine.
Then, before we know it, it’ll be the 15th of February and we’ll be looking ahead to better days, like March’s International Women’s Day and celebrating loving the most important person; ourselves!