If one more Instagram post says to cut out ‘negativity’ in your life, I’m gonna hurl my phone out the window.
It’s all about the good times, the good vibes, the good life (insert peace emoji sign here) where if you live by this, you can go onto live a blissful life, free from negativity and every whiff of a bad vibe that comes your way shall be simply poofed away.
Ok so on paper that all may sound bloody idyllic, but what about your dear friends and family who may be depressed or anxious, or just generally going through a hard time in life?
When I have anxiety, I’m pretty sure I don’t have positive vibes exhorting my aura. When I walk into a room, I’m not sure that people are drawn in by my addictive personality that day.
There’s an unhelpful narrative ribboned through social media, that if someone isn’t forever giving out ‘positive vibes’ or is giving you anything less than a go-team-go attitude that you should cut them out your life. According to Insta culture, the memo is, ‘Cut and run guys, those people aren’t bringing the lols and they’re just holding you back.’
Indeed there are people who are a drain and toxic, who perhaps don’t deserve a place in your life, but we all have down days, we all face things that will be tough and we’ll come up against things that won’t make us cheery and fun to be around.
The buzz word, positivity, that has become so popular in our self-help culture, has taken root in our culture and forced its way into almost every aspect of our lives.
On one hand we have messages pleading with us to be more empathic, compassionate and kind to people, but in the same breath, the current climate speaks to us that we should drop anything or anyone who doesn’t bring you joy. It’s contradictory and harmful.
There’s a biblical reference about life I love that reads:
‘To everything there is a season and a purpose. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up.
‘A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.
‘A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.’
It’s a wonderful way to live that you don’t always have to be positive in a very bleak situation.
When a loved one dies you don’t say ‘well at least it’s an excuse for a party’. You cry, mourn and go through the process. It’s crucial that you do that.
It’s healthy to feel those emotions and react in this way to different situations. This is life in all its glory and there are ups and downs in it all.
I’m a hopeful and optimistic person. I choose to walk in the sunshine whenever I can but as for positive vibes, there are absolutes in life. There are things you can never put a positive spin on. Murder, rape, sex trafficking, terminal illnesses? There is no bright side nor should there be.
I’m down for kindness, compassion and openness but these pressurising and unrealistic, elusive ‘positive vibes’ are nothing but a distraction from true, raw joy.
So, let’s embrace life in all its seasons and for the love of god, don’t cut out any more people just because they have a mental illness and are having a ‘negative’ time of it. We need to uplift people who are going through the dark times.
After all, there is a time to mourn, to laugh and a time to dance.