As I casually browse the endless yellow pages of the internet hunting for a ‘good time’, I am constantly left a little unsatisfied by companies and brands that are static in the changing language and recognition of gender spectrum theory. As a trans/non binary person who loves a good personal moment with a bit of plastic, I find it really triggering having to ponder through website categories titled “men’s anal toys”, “women’s dildos” and the array of binary gendered sex toy options that just don’t seem to be for me or anyone like me.
I’m not saying that I wouldn’t want to use said toys in these categories, it’s just an off-putting feeling of being underrepresented by brands whose products are meant to be inclusive; whose purpose connects us to the most primal part of our living existence: an orgasm.
As a non binary person, we flitter through the modern world watching it change and alter around us. Seeing brands acknowledge our existence, making it easier for us to navigate through simple daily tasks without shame or dysphoria. But the one avenue of life which is still yet to make this change, is the world of pleasure. Seeking pleasure is a part of everyone’s life, without specificity of who or what you are.
However, during times of solitude and isolation – like lockdown and COVID-19 – our pleasure becomes more individualist and personal. We look for more interesting and exciting ways of finding euphoria sexually and sensually within a bleak and depressing reality.
One way of chasing this high is through the investment of sex toys. Whether you’re more interested in anal play, clitoral stimulation, external stimulation, kink, bondage or using a toy with people in your bubble, these sites will have an option. But from personal experience, I have spent countless occasions looking for that perfect toy; searching through gendered categories on mainstream sites only to be turned off, feeling unseen as a non binary person.
Affordable, mainstream suppliers are missing a trick: By making something more accessible to the everyman (or should it be, everyperson?) they are turning away many customers who don’t feel comfortable with traditional binary standards. However, sites that do melt away the binary in their sex toy drop downs seem to be more expensive – pushing this idea that to be successful and seen in the non gendered world, you must also be in a certain income bracket.
That said, as I browsed multiple LGBTQIA+ sex toy sites, as well as some more independent owned sex toy brands, to try and find a new refreshing take, two sites that really jumped out to me. First, Hot Octopuss (a sex toy brand with a passion for reinvention) and secondly, Self & More (a small woman owned sex toy supplier, pushing pleasure without shame or judgement).
The initial problem I had with traditional sites was that their drop down titles turned me off and made me feel unseen. Self & More combatted this with their a modern point of view on inclusion within sex toy purchasing by identifying toys by their purpose instead of the person, which made everything so accessible and gave me such a feeling of visibility on their site. Something else to recognise on their site, was the type of toy they sold.
Often, sex toy creators try and make their toys resemble genitals without focusing on the effect they have on the users. This brand in my opinion got the trick; showing slick, fashionable toys whose purpose is primarily on function and not aesthetic. I also really applauded Hot Octopuss for their inclusive and informative trans, queer and non-binary section.
Assisting in pairing up the perfect toy to the perfect individual, which is something I have yet to see in the more mainstream toy providers. After reading this page, I felt in safe hands. These two companies made me want to invest in a brand that was actively empowering the trans community and are great examples on how other sexual pleasure brands need to conduct themselves.
To wrap up my article in a lubed-up bow, sex toy brands in the mainstream need to watch what’s happening in the big wide world. More and more sexually liberated young people are recognising the damaging effects of the gender binary.
In order to give everyone an experience that is fulfilling, not just after the toy has arrived but during the purchasing process, brands and suppliers should recognise the necessity of being inclusive. Non binary people are purchasing toys, trans people are purchasing toys, and we are just as valid as any other customer.
