Back in October I had a foreboding dream that my ex was going to attempt to re-enter my life, after 7 months of radio silence. Sure enough, it happened exactly a week later.
I’m telling you this, reader, because I don’t offer advice in vain. I practice what I preach in order to protect my soul. I’ve been where you are right now. It’s possible that you’ve just been living your life for the past few months, completely unaware that your ex (or an ‘ex’ who isn’t your ex) has been concocting a fiendishly ‘clever’ plan to get you back. Then, one day, while you’re minding your own business – a notification from ‘maybe: ex’ pops up on your phone.
During the pandemic, this is much more likely to happen. People ruminate on things when they have a lot of time on their hands. They start to think about the ‘good old days’ – fighting with you in a crowded restaurant over who has to pay for the meal, accidentally offending your parents over tea and biscuits, telling you they’re ‘shocked’ at the number of people you’ve slept with before refusing to talk to you for hours just so they can ‘process things’.
*Sigh*
Knowing that they bring out this bitter, cynical side of you is just one of the reasons why you should absolutely never get back with the person who hurt you.
You’re Worth More
To coin an overused phrase, you’re worth so much more than this! What’s the point in re-treading old steps when you felt weary, slighted and drained the first time? Getting back with someone who hurt you is a form of self-sabotage. By giving them the time of day, you’re stopping yourself from blossoming and truly living your best life. The best, by the way, is exactly what you deserve.
Put Yourself First
Falling in love with yourself is ten times more rewarding than any bad relationship. Think about it – you have all this time to yourself, all this responsibility for yourself, all this love to give. Do yourself a favour. Instead of spending hours arguing on the phone, invest that free time into a hobby you previously left behind. Instead of having bad sex with a fraught partner, work out how to give yourself the yummiest orgasms. Instead of having family trips and couples’ away days filled with awkward silences and bickering, take yourself on a mini-break (COVID-permitting). The options are endless.
It’s Time To Move On
Needing to move on from painful situations is part of life. Its ultimately what makes us human. You went through a bad experience, but its over now. That person doesn’t need to be in your life anymore. Whether you’d rather spend some time in singledom, explore situationships or getting back on course to find the love of your life; make sure you’re putting the past behind you. If we don’t take steps (however tiny) to move on, we’ll never heal.
Losing someone because they’ve hurt you is hard. You feel like you’re the only person in the world going through it, like no-one else will ever experience this unique pain. While your pain is totally individual to you, we’ve all been burnt by a loved one in the past. I like to live by the words of Tina Knowles-Lawson in this case – ‘if you’re going through it, just know that it’s called going through it. You’re not gonna get stuck there, you’re not gonna die. You’re gonna survive!’
What Are Their Motives?
Maybe it’s the cynic in me, but why exactly are they coming back to you after they’ve hurt you? Is it down to remorse? A change of heart? Their ego being bruised? You can’t be sure, and that’s something to bear in mind. People learn from their mistakes all the time, and it would be difficult to completely rule out an Ebenezer Scrooge-style redemption arc, but protecting your feelings is the most important thing here.
If you’re going to give them the time of day, at least question what their motives are.
They Might Hurt You Again!
Ultimately, this is what it all comes down to. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. A leopard never changes their spots. Yes, these are recycled idioms; but they exist for a reason. Some things never change! The person who burned you in the past may very well burn you again if you give them the opportunity. What did we say about self-sabotage?
